embracing the darkside of chaos theory

Life goes on.

I do not know the fates of those I care about who lived in the path of destruction from Hurricane Katrina, and I cannot affect their fates, except in abstract. So, I will do what I can on that plane and trust that whatever their fates, they are content.

I am doing okay. I have had to accept that I can't save everyone from everything. Years ago a psychiatrist told me that Ann was going to die. She made it. She has always given me credit for her survival. I have credited her, for her willingness to survive. I can only teach, I do not compel, that is not my way. That once the lesson is taught I am to be discarded is a role I have always accepted, if sorrowfully. MY Mom always said I never had girlfriends, just projects. Abuse survivors, addicts, and the like, all needing someone willing to give them a shot at a sane life. My record is decent in that regard, my motives are of course, open to interpretation.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar (right, President Clinton?)

So, here we are, 1100 miles apart (probably less, as she probably fled North to relatives) and every mention of the disaster, every photo of the debris, wrenches at me like chords of some great funeral composition. We have always accepted the fact that I would outlive her, and certainly her conduct over the last few years has done little to endear her to me, but I made promises, and I have tried, to the best of the limits imposed by nature, society and even occasionally the lady herself, to live up to those oaths. The failings of others do not excuse my own.

I am, I know, capable of better than purely aping the conduct of others.

But, I am still aching to know how she, her mother, our dog and my other friends from the region fared in the storm. I will, in time. I accept I may not know for some time.

On to other topics...

Not feeling up to it.

Like what E.J. has done so far with the site, including his special little shift tonight to a more Spartan feel.

I am stronger than I was yesterday, but still not fully recovered.

I am going to donate a copy of "Art&Soul" from the AEI to Morgantown High School. I might even give them some of my books if they'd get over of this "someone pissed in our Wheaties" provincialism. Wake up, people.

Androne (the Actor) wrote earlier...first time I have had to let him off his leash in some time. Perhaps my weariness has opened an escape for him. I hope not. I posted the work on www.myspace.com...you'll find it under the Romantic and Erotic Poetry Group.

Closure is required. Perhaps I shall draw some comfort from this all, after all.