Thursday, June 30, 2005

the storms are coming and I'm delighted...

If you know me, you know I love chaos (Blood and souls for my lord Arioch...hey, I even named a son Elric. Of course, I named the other one Dante (who knew then how the digital renaaissance would come to view me?))

So, news of a wave of violent thunderstorms bearing down on me doesn't phase me, actually, it is kind of energizing...I may just sit up for a few hours tonight and merge with the wind, the rain and the thunder...for that is my nature.

Just finished approvals on the press release going out tomorrow. We'll see how it plays in Peoria, or any other place that picks it up.

What next? Hey, let's just enjoy the afterglow of one of the most significant impossibilities of modern literature having been midwifed in these last few weeks.

The day job at Teletech goes well...it's nice to be in a room full of people, none of whom have the vaguest idea of my legacy. It's levelling, and I don't have to be "on". The money is undazzling, by any standard, but I'll have health insurance for the first time in almost half a decade, which is good when you get to my age!

I'm going out on Saturday. No, none of your business.

Kneejerk reaction to Tom Cruise

Being pretty much a well-informed critic of Scientology, I've never been a huge fan of Tom Cruise, as moral philosopher or prophet. He can act, no doubt (you want to argue? Check out "Magnolia", the boy has chops.)

But recently he has been so obnoxious I've started devloping a hate-hate relationship with him. I actually don't hate him (I can think of a dozen people off the top of my head that I have greater reason to loathe (including two ex-wives), and I don't loathe them...it's not in my nature to hate) but I am tired of him. So much so that I have decided not to go see "The War of the Worlds". I'm doing the American thing and voting with my wallet.

Then I read his comments on alien life. He's dead on, although I think his indelicate way of being confrontational on what is not a day-to-day survival issue is ludicrous. Angelina Jolie wants to save starving children. Bono wants debt relief for Africa. Tom Cruise wants you to know that you're a jerk if you don't believe in ET. I think there is such a thing a chemical imbalance, and I think we have a public case study with him.

I saw an online poll at CNN.com where they asked "do you agree with Tom Cruise about there being life in the universe" or words to that effect. I do. Have for decades (Tom did not persuade me...he would, right now, have a hard time persuading me that the sky is blue. He's pretty and he has money. Bill Gates has more money and Paris Hilton is prettier and I'd not change my views on any topic on their words, either) but my kneejerk reaction was to say "No"...to deny the existence of the zillions of life forms that are certainly out there just because of one obnoxious proponent.

Gotta get some caffeine (to correct MY chemical imbalance this morning, brought on by a changing schedule)

Hey, the new book looks spiffy. Have maintained the new exercise schedule, so far, all week...now have to decided if I want the BIG Press Release to go out tomorrow and risk being lost in the 4th of July news cycles, or send it out on Tuesday, and make it dangerously close to the edge for the actual release of the book.

To recap. Book: Good. Tom Cruise: at best, boring. Caffeine: Good. Angelina Jolie: Very good on so many levels I really don't have time to start in on (she would've been a nice Panther too...maybe if I ever finish that screenplay based on the story behind the poems...she plays the sexy-psycho dichotomy well...meow).

What? You didn't think I'd be working on a screenplay called The Songs of the Panther? Oh, you silly fool.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

one step closer...

Got final approval from Jillian Ann on the images. It feels good to have it, but still a little disingenuous, as it is neither the original Panther or Ann, who would have wanted so bad to be the face and figure for the ages...but that was both their decisions, not mine in either case.

Judge me by my intentions, not the foolishness of others.

Soon, I can rest. Not from the day to day, which I am now slipping back into like into a warm bath...I have always been a workaholic, only the arrogance and ignorance of others has prevented me from working tirelessly. But from the real labours. Thomas Edison said that a man only truly worked when he used his mind.

I agree, with the caveat that when he uses his passion, he is also working harder than any mere machine of sinew or steel can understand. Our minds and hearts are our connection to the divine. We are fulfilling ourselves in God's image when we create.

I promised myself the other day I'd list some phrases...phrases that maybe only a few people would understand, but if they see them, they'd know how much I missed them in my life. No names, no contexts, just soundbites of my life. So, here goes.

"tell me a secret"

"lick...whole...face"

"better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"

"you're the only person who'd do that for me"

"sloth time!"

"fab"

"atomic crickets"

Thanks. Little dog Turpie barks...

I love the smell of printer ink in the morning

Unfortunately, it's afternoon...so, that's out.

Just finished making some more revisions to the page for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES - click here for info and ordering. Pretty nifty.

I admit I am pretty much exhausted, emotionally, after putting that all together. If I drank, I'd be drunk right now...but since that is still one line I haven't crossed in this life, guess I'll just have to keep working.

Oh, here's the other two images I will be using heavily in the book:


and
. Both are Jillian Ann, that remarkable young woman from Nerw York who has been so supportive of this project and has added a much needed visual slant to this project with her professionalism and beauty. I can think of one other model I might have preferred using, but she has evaporated.

Finally got tentative word on when my daughter, Peri, is getting married next year...I am very excited for her because I think she chose well her husband. I wish them both the best. I already have a wedding gift in mind (no, I do plan to attend, so I can't make my absence a present...)

I've been keeping up the walks at lunch this week, at least a mile every day at lunchtime...as a result my tan is deepening and my leg muscles are doing their usual song and dance (I have a genetic predispostion to have massively muscled legs...)

My medical insurance kicks in on August 1st and I'll get myself a physical ASAP after that...having not been seen by a doctor in about five years, I cringe to think what all they'll find wrong with me...most I know, a few things I suspect...but, hey, you don't last forever...eventually things wear out.

Pretty pictures and a small vent on politics...

I have distributed the stage-1 final draft of THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES to my advisory committee, and the final will be with the publisher by the weekend. May God have mercy on us all. :-)

Here's something you haven't seen yet.

How's that?

What you're looking at is one of the internal pieces of art from the book, never before released. What do I mean "one of"?

I mean the book has many, such as

to keep things lively. I'll leave it to literary reviewers and fans to try and read anything into the means and method of the pictures, as they relate to the works.

The drawings aren't really drawings, but a little filter craftiness in Photoshop being applied to some lovely pictures our cover model Jillian Ann was kind enough to let us use.

Nice, huh? I mean the pictures. Hey, stop staring or I won't share any of the others.

This week is busy...although I am looking forward to the weekend. Barring any unpleasant surprises, I put this monster to bed by then (and we all know how much I enjoy putting lusty jungle cats to bed).

It has been arduous, but now my responsibilities are practically done...I feel relief.

By the way, did not watch our Pretendent give his speech last night on why war is good business, invest your son. I am sure Jesus is spinning still, that a man so careful to wrap himself in Christian robes on nearly every issue one can, for real or imagined, invoke Christian values, and then send thousands of young men and women to die in a war of aggression.

I am not a fan of terrorists, but I am a Christian first, an American second (you have to choose, and try to explain that choice on judgement day)...and while my sins are many, I don't ask you to send your children to die. Or to kill others.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

dancing the Wallatamba

Don't know if I spelled it even spelled it right (the Wallatamba) but I recall, aeons ago, when I had my first wife's social circle, I used to play various RPGs with friends. There was one Dungeons and Dragons module that involved a desert caused by an ancient curse, and there was a backstory that the dungeonmaster read us avout a group of priests who had tried to break the curse by praying the their deity to "Purify our feet and live in the desert" but got it wrong (because, as I recall, they were using an ancient language for their chants) and instead accidentally prayed for the god to "Live in out feet and purify the desert" which resulted in a year of flash floods and the priests being forced to dance the Wallatamba day and night.

Hey, I have a sick sense of humour.

Restless night's sleep...not for any truly deep reason, just didn't sleep well. Will have to work on that.

So close on THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES that I can taste it...now for the weird part...

IN April I released INVOCATO and, being the guerilla poet I am, I did not pay the fees to the middle-man powers that be to get it into (the gatekeeper of distributors) Ingrams (which meant it would not appear in the major online bookstores). Two months later, same thing with THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS.

Last night I see where, starting today, THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS is available through Barnes and Noble online, which confuses me on several levels, not the least of which is I never set a price for it for bookstore sales, so I am wondering about the royalties on those sales...I will try and touch base with my publisher (www.lulu.com) later today to confirm WTF is going on.

Well, gotta get going...my schedule is, shall we say, full. I have about ten hours of work left before I can say that THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES has been put to bed (no jokes, please...I have my sense of humour, but when I am tired it gets arch and I'll be giggling all day).

It's showtime, folks.

Monday, June 27, 2005

a kiss of an indifferent shade

A strangely satisfied melancholy descends on me.

I wish I could define it further.

Perhaps one day I shall, perhaps not. Perhaps I will write poems of it for my one hundredth birthday. Perhaps I shall die tonight, with many things left unsaid (except in those volumes I leave unpublished, with no trustworthy heir to see to them.)

I am not pleased with all in my life...but I am content that what remains to be done will either get done or was never meant to be accomplished. I started looking into a car today. Perhaps an Alfa. I'd like that. One more thing I had to get rid of for someone else's convenience.

I had a nice walk at lunchtime. It was hot and the sun felt good upon my skin. The Morongo Valley still calls. The question is, do I go alone?

The next six weeks will tell the tale. Someone asked me what I was getting the Leopard for her birthday this year. I laughed. Last year I gave her money. This year? I already gave her everything she asked for and everything she wants from me. My will is rewritten, my finances begin to resolve. I will leave nothing but my flesh to the vultures.

A walked a mile today...more tomorrow. I sometimes wonder if I am the architect of my life or just an onlooker to the major events.

Wait until you see what I am giving myself for MY birthday.

A long night's journey into day

Got just about everything done I wanted to last night...which is remarkable as I had set the bar impossibly high. Maybe I do still have a few IQ points left.

The book is looking terrific, the preorder page is up (although who knows, there might be zero pre-orders!) and I'm ready to face the new week.

Where's my caffeine?

Note: Diet Dr. Pepper still tastes better than Diet Coke (even with the new DC formula involving Splenda...which actually is milder than "classic" Diet Coke...people drink the "Coke" line expecting a bit of a bite...Pepsi is smooth, Coke is sharp and Dr. pepper is flavourful...repeat after me...) But since I don't like all the major and minor health problems cause by consuming the relentlessly toxic Aspartame...I've made the switch.

Pepsi One is actually now better tasting than Diet Coke...so I'll be consuming whichever of the new Splenda based colas is on sale in my neighborhood in mass quantities, sneaking off to the side to have a brief fling with the Dr. when the mood strikes me.

I miss Peri.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Stole a march from myself and ordered the pre-ordering for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES onto the website about 6 hours early. So sue me. Information on THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES.

I have found out that, thanks to my going overboard on the internal graphics, my margin is going to be conspiciously smaller than orginally planned. Well, I'm not going to raise the rpice. You all will just have to order more.

I have been very delighted with where the project is now...and thus we're going to offer two different pre-ordering options:

1st Day Preorders will by autographed, dated with June 18th, 2005, and numbered to signify their limited edition status, total number to be all of this class of orders (+1) received by July 7th.

Regular preorders will be filled the next day and will be autographed. The price difference between the two will be $40.00 versus $29.95, both come with free shipping and handling.

The extra copy of the first day orders I will auction off for charity later this year. More on that in a few weeks.

Much love to all...had a pleasant surprise of a call from Maggie today...which remind me I need to find out about a few old friends who seem to have dropped off the planet.

The Joe Gideon Effect

When asked what my favourite movie of all time is, most people assume, as I worked for a time as a film reviewer for America Online's "Roadside USA" (you shoulda read my trashings of "Waterworld" and "Showgirls") that my first choice would be an epic film like "Spartacus" or "The Godfather", or a foreign film, like "The Bicycle Thief" of "The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari", or even something of pedestrian tastes, like "Star Wars" (no insult to the film, it is great for what it is, and, as "Stagecoach" with the Western, ushered in an entire genre).

But no. My favourite is "All That Jazz", Bob Fosse's semi-autobiographical dark musical about excess, self-loathing and the creative spark.

Why? Well, my first ex-wife would tell you it is because I am Joe Gideon (the lead chacter and Fosse's avatar), a self-obsessed womanizer who can't control his impulses. Yawn. Too simple a pigeon-holing. I'm right now in my second period of abstinence that I have ushered into my life (the first lasted over a year, this one has last nearly a year and a half). Joe Gideon would have never gone without sex that long. Besides, he was a heavy drinker and a pill head. To compare a guy who has never even had a beer and won't take prescription meds with codeine in them, I think that's a stretch. Plus, I can't dance...although I would love to learn if any woman would like to step up to the job.

My second ex-wife will tell you it's because...well, she won't tell you anything...I don't think, in over six years of marriage, she ever sat down and watched the thing. Perhaps that is more telling...I got involved with a woman who was, while attracted by my public persona as a creative artist, did not know or care about the human being trapped inside that shell. Trust me, the more I stew on that point the more time I spend hitting myself in the forehead with a coal shovel.

My daughter would tell you it is because of the lying. I went through a phase in my life where I lied...a lot. But, Joe Gideon largely lied to get his own way. Most of my lies were feeble, even stupid, attempts to try and please others, to give them what they wanted. Perhaps though, being an incompetent father is worse than being an abusive one.

Motive is always more important than actions if you insist upon judging others. I'm not a saint. But, also, I am not the malicious villain those who would exploit my failings to justify their own arrogances would make me out to be.

My point about the film is that it is beautiful, engaging, and contains one of the greatest acting performances of all time: Roy Scheider as Joe Gideon, a man so consumed by his own creative juices that he has given over even his survival instincts to fulfilling them. Add to that the amazing (sigh) Ann Reinking as his long-suffering girlfriend, Leland Palmer as his bitter ex-wife and Erzsebet Foldi as his critical but loving daughter (Michelle, in part from whom I cribbed my own daughter's middle name)...oh, and a resurgent (her career was all but destroyed by "King Kong") Jessica Lange as the Angel of Death, whose dialogues with Gideon give us real insight into where he came from and what drives him.

Self-indulgent? As self-indulgent as any public release of a private moment of catharsis in the name of art, be it a song, a poem, or a painting. Insightful? Yes, but it is only confirming the diagnosis: Creativity can be addictive and also a vent. Who knows if creative creates the self-consuming impulse or if the self-consuming impulse finds creativity? I don't pretend to...I just know they do spoon at night.

There are several quote from the film I love:

"To be on the wire is life. Everything else is just waiting." (I hate not being on the wire.)

"Sometimes I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins." (You try living a major lie for a few years, as I have been repeatedly asked to do, and not find it corroding your very concept of truth...it's rough.)

"Do you believe in love?" "I believe in saying 'I love you'...when it works." (Tough one, my life has been an effort to define love, and I'm still not closer to the goal than when I started.)


Yes, I do see myself in the Joe Gideon character, but not completely. I can find elements of myself in almost any character (sounds like an idea for a party game, draw a character name from a hat and name something you have in common with them: Darth Vader...hmmm...have betrayed people out of misguided love; Willy Wonka...let me see...have been suspected of being dangerous when only eccentric; Harry Potter...yikes!...have sometimes found myself so much larger than life in some people's eyes that the other guy gets the girl; Don Vito Corleone...that one's easy...struggling with a "later in life" weight problem.)

I have asked, repeatedly, that the only music to be played at my funeral is the final number from "All That Jazz": "Bye, Bye Love" as performed by Roy Scheider and Ben Vereen (a terrific performance)...I would actually like to go out like that, but I'll settle for the background music.

And, to be honest, sometimes when I am facing a rough day I climb out of the shower, slip on my clothes, stand in front of the mirror and announce, with Scheider's voice echoing in my head:

"It's showtime, folks."

Saturday, June 25, 2005

still alive and well...

One of my favourite lyrics of all time were in the song Rock Derringer penned for friend Johnny Winter: "Every time I take a look to see who's left around/everyone I thought was cool is six feet underground/doncha know they tried to get me lots of times and now they're reaching out for you/I got out and I'm here to say - Baby, you can get out, too..."

I have always felt a kinship with those words when I am coming out of a dark time...a failed relationship, for instance. Maybe I am just an optimist, but there is something out there, moving in the shadows...not because it is dark and malevolent, but because it is not yet close enough for me to make out the details...but it is out there...I am hoping it is a person, perhaps someone from my past who never really gave me the opportunity to uncork the genie.

In any case, I am very tired this evening, long day working the special election. Ran into some people I knew, including one of my students and our member of the West Virginia House of Delegates, Cindy Frich. She's pretty nice for a Republican. Even somewhat cute. And smart.

Tomorrow I have a schedule that would kill a mortal. Glad I gave it all up for lent (remember my words from "My Electric Lady"...written in 1974? "I once gave up my poor and mortal birthright/so that I could touch the sky and see true things/My love, I'm not so sure I would have started/if I could have seen the pain this voyage brings.") No, no delusions of grandeur here (put down that strait jacket...does anyone who aspires to more than mediocrity offend you that badly?)...I just know what I can accomplish when I am in the groove.

The next eight weeks will test everything I am, hope I never have to do so much with so little in so short a time. So, if you're a reader, a friend or a lover, strap yourself in...this will be a ride you'll tell your grandchildren about having witnessed.

(the opening chords of "Rust Never Sleeps" begin...)

Saturday is a day of...long hours

Today is a special election in West Virgina, and I signed up to work the polls...which means getting up (as I did) at 4:30 and going to stand for about 14 hours. Bleah.

Hey, such is life.

Good day yesterday. Good week, actually. Stayed up a bit later than I should've last night, but I'll live.

Got the first draft of the press release for the release of THE PANTHER CYCLE POEMS nailed down. It's not going out for about a week, so I have time to refine and fret.

Gotta go...will be back later. Love to all.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Mood altering colored dots

When I really feel like manipulating my moods, I play music.

Tito and Tarantula: "The Strange Face of Love" is right now playing.

Not any music...certain songs that are either meaningful in my life as background music to key events ("Secret Garden", "Glory Box", "Close Your Eyes") or because they are just so perfectly evocative ("Heart of Gold", "Sexual Healing", "Glycerine"). Certainly a dangerous proposition, sometimes, but I find it often worthwhile...I have been very flat, emotionally, lately (by my standards, not by human standards)...but have been fortunate to be rolling sevens and elevens more often than boxcars and snake eyes in the day to day.

Elvis vs JXL: "A Little Less Conversation"

I haven't turned the corner, financially, but I can now see it, just down the block. I still haven't given myself over to re-entering the relationship game (magnitude of wounds, you don't send a man with severed limbs back into the battle unless you need to...I didn't want to waste my energy and someone else's if I was too banged up. I'm much better now, thanks to many loving friends and the healing power of cathartic writing) but some fresh and interesting candidates are starting to appear in the tableau, and my psychological and physiological reactions indicate there's still the cavalier beneath the fallen walls.

Marvin Gaye: "Sexual Healing"

If you're one of the multitude I owe money to...be patient, I have no intention of shuffling off this coil without resolving all outstanding claims (I am going to make sure, just in case a speeding bus interrupts this upward arc, that I am insured to the gills) and I do apologize for the interruption, even those that were not my direct fault.

Dire Straits: "Skateaway"

If you're someone I have previously not given deserving attention to on a personal level: Flag me, dammit. I don't bite and I'd hate to think I had allowed myself to miss an opportunity to make someone happy. That's my programming. Even more than rescuing debris from the fields of chaos, I want to make someone happy. Not just in the magic gloves and Joe Gideon abstract sense of pleasing the audience, but one on one (quit snickering, yes, there's a double-entendre to be made there, and so be it).

Bruce Springsteen: "Rosalita"

The writing and editing goes well...I ping'd my advisory counsil earlier this evening concerning some internal graphics for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES.

Warren Zevon: "Mohammed's Radio"

These are exciting times. My tread may be unsteady and uncertain at times, and I may be sad and wounded when the moods take me...but I'm climbing, not falling.

Meat Loaf: "I Would Do Anything for Love"

The busiest of weekends looms...

Friday morning and heading out the door in about fifteen minutes.

After work, I am scheduled to finish some yardwork...then pull a 14-15 hour day tomorrow as an election "volunteer"...of course, I never understood the notion of calling someone a volunteer who gets paid, so let's call it an election worker.

Then on Sunday, before and after Quaker meeting, get caught up on all the book work: Editing, layout, and writing the next press release.

I like being busy. Maybe a bit too much, but it beats the hell out of sitting around, growing moss.

Got an interesting email yesterday from a reader who suggested I used my daughter, Peri, of the cover of THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES. While I can earnestly say that Peri is very beautiful and has some modeling experience, the notion of putting my grown daughter on the cover of a book that contains some erotic poetry just doesn't fit well with me, that would be all I (or she) needs...weird rumours. But I am pondering doing a book for her and her fiance's wedding next year, she certainly should be considered for the cover of that! (If she's interested)

Wrote some really good stuff yesterday...still in my moratorium on posting, dammit.

Hey, looking for some good venues for readings for the tour this fall...anyone out there have a good suggestion or connection?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Mental knick-knacks

::shaking off the cobwebs::

Hey, I'm alive and awake. We're past the solstice, so now I'm going to lose about a minute or so of daylight everyday for the next six months...but I've been living through that for years, so I figure I'll survive.

The new day job is going well...looking forward to having health insurance again!

Getting a lot of notice for the new books...I won't publish the list, but I have a master schedule for publicity and related deadlines I'm going to be pretty strict to. A guy at work yesterday said to me "Man, you know so much about so many things, you should put out a book." I said "I've got seven, with the eighth due next month." I love a good discussion ender. The sad thing is, a statement like that should be the start of a discussion, not the end of it.

It has been two weeks since the release of THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS and still no coverage in the local press. Sales, yes, and attention for local arts activists, but nothing in the Morgantown area media that I am aware of.

What is perhaps, to me, further galling, is that the Appalachian Education Initiative's publication of theie ART&SOUL volume last week still has not, to my knowledge, received any notice in the local media. WTF? You have a locally based group with a locally based production partner putting out a book for the schools and libraries (and public purchase) state-wide that profiles 50 outstanding creative artsists from this state, and it does not get the same mention as...(insert wire service story about celebrity or local story about increcibly boring hobby of the local dilettanti).

Yawn. Gotta go have some raisin bran (a new box mysteriously appeared). Later, all.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Timeline...or something close to it

"We work while the clock, she is a'ticking!" - Dr. Emilio Lizardo (Lord John Whorfin)

Yeah, the sands run. Never stopped me before, won't stop me now...here's the current scoop'a'dupe:

Monday, June 27, 2005:
The City of Legends Store will begin taking order for first day copies of THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES. These will be copies of that book, signed and dated on July 18, 2005, the official publication date of the volume.

Monday, July 18, 2005:
THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES will be released. If you haven't fallen to the hype already, just read down a frew sections...or go to the Panther Cycles Page.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005:
I am a half-century old this day. Anyone from my past who has not reclaimed their threads in my life by this date, forget it...my vector is pure and my acceleration is constant. If you're not part of the future, or on board in the present, you're memory...if that (working on it, actually...it's pretty remarkable...ever see "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"?)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005:
I will be speaking at Arts Week in Morgantown, WV, as a guest of the Appalachian Education Initiative. This will also be the official kickoff for my fall reading tour. Dates to be announced in a few weeks. I understand that copies of THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS, as well as several others of my works, will be available for purchase and autographing that day. They will probably have copies of their volume ART&SOUL which includes me int he honorees...and I am happy to sign them.

That's my current schedule. No public appearances between now and August 17. I have mad work to do, and I don't need the drain of that to sap me.

"Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground." - James Taylor, Fire and Rain

still breathing

Get the birthday package off to Peri yesterday (finally got the address). Hope she likes it (I have been assured she won't...but since the number of people close to me who have been straight with me over the past few years can be counted on one...finger...I'll believe it when I hear it from her).

Updated the main banner ad for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES on my website.

Someone ate all my Raisin Bran. Bought a whole box on Monday...all gone by last night. I had one bowl of it. Pfft!

Things are hectic, but will settle down and all deadlines are now in reach. Budget is improving (something my creditors will be glad to hear).

Joined Myspace.com yesterday at urging of friend (would I have been so quick to join if she wasn't young and beautiful and a writer whose works I respect? dunno...didn't happen that way)...sent out a few network...most have gotten an affirmative. limiting myself to people with strong common interest, people I already know and friends of friends (always a nice way to expand your network while making sure you mostly deal with peope who have been screened at least a little)

Gotta run. Will babble more later.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Cover Mock Up for The Compleat Panther Cycles

Someone told me that this would be considered a "buzz move".

Coming, July 18th, 2005. The digital renaissance gets its 'nads back.



Thanks again to:

Jillian Ann, for capturing the beauty of a muse,
Brigit, Daniel McTaggart and Barbara Holmes for their most excellent introductions to the damn thing,
Jan, for not making too big a fuss about the book coming out,
Robert, for sage advice,
Anastacia, for encouraging me when my couer rage was out,
Teri, for reminding me of what the spark looks like,
my children, who forgive me my follies (I hope!),
Margee and Ron, for kind words,
Tracey and Bradley, for a place to write,
JoAnn, who started this whole poetry nonsense,
Nancy, who showed me what was possible,
and to every woman, real or imagined, who ever inspired my words, stirred my heart or kindled my imagination.

I know, now. And I'm not going away, ever again.

Tuesday afternoon...

Sounds like a good name for a song. hmmm...nope, someone beat me to it.

I have updated the main banner advertisement for the special page for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES so maybe that will jazz things up a notch...

Holy Crap! The MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS are selling like hotcakes. Of course, the one book I do not get royalties on would sell. ;-)

a face for the Panther



Meet "The Panther". Barring another last minute hitch, this will be the image used to represent the muse who was the trigger for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES.
The model? Her name is Jillian Ann. She is an accomplished New York based artist/model/technomusician whose work can be found on the web, her music can be found on peer-to-peer networks, and her website is www.JillianAnn.com.
We are still tweaking the image, so don't be surprised if the one on the cover of the book, coming out next month, is slightly or even somewhat different.
Okay, now on with the show.
Owing to business commitments, I may be a little busy over the next few weeks, but I promise to post here regularly.
Feeling strong. Ankle is still a little twitchy from yesterday, but I plan to take another walk later today.
Hey, new season of "Rescue Me" starts tonight on FX...watch it.
I've been getting a lot of emails askign about my dating status/love life lately. Hey, it is what it is. Like I told an old friend, whent he damn breaks, the world will know...for that is my nature.

Monday, June 20, 2005

link of the day

I have to credit my brother, Mark, with sending me this marvelously amusing link. The sad thing is, I know people who wouldn't see the mocking humour in this and take it at face value:

Flying Dinosaurs Helped Load Noah's Ark

Can you tell I'm feeling better? I can.

Update on Books

PANTHEON: Yes, I am pulling it from distribution on July 17 of this year, to make way for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES.

FROM AN UNEXPECTED QUARTER: No immediate plans to pull, but have been discussing with my advisors yanking it and LOVE GODS OF A FORGOTTEN RELIGION in 2006 to make way for more of the uber-books like TCPC.

LOVE GODS OF A FORGOTTEN RELIGION: See FROM AN UNEXPECTED QUARTER, above.

101 GREAT LOVE POEMS: This one may be around for a while.

INVOCATO: It is the first of a trilogy of books to be released with no preset schedule at this time, the others being CORONATO nd TERMINATO.

THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS: This one may be around as long as there is a city named Morgantown.

THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES: Despite some production problems, this book WILL LAUNCH on July 18, 2005. Pre-ordering will be starting on June 27th, 2005.

Future books are sitting around, waiting my whims. Some are complete, some are not. I've got at least three prepped poetry collections, a memoir and a novel, all waiting for word.

And, of course, I have to decide if I want to run for President in 2008. No, seriously. It has been said we campaign in poetry and govern in prose...maybe it's a time for that to change.

April - Good to hear from you!

heard from my model...

We still have some kinks to work out AND I would still be interested in fielding backups and alternatives...maybe we will even set up a series of alternate covers? You never know...

I may, in the next day or two, post several different variant covers and let you all vote on them...

Walked two miles...ankle started "grinding" so I had to quit. Dammit.

I am looking forward to having med insurance again...would like to have my first check up in 4-1/2 years. Know of a few minor things that I'd like help with (dont' ask), but you never know what might be hiding. My having medical insurance always seemed secondary to Ann getting a new car or more shoes or her teeth cleaned. And, since my first ex has enough life insurance on me to ensure her and the boy's futures, a fatal illness or condition hasn't really been scary for me. Really. Most of the people I'd "miss" have already absented themselves from my life, so what would I have to miss? Death is not something that willies me out at all. I know one day I will die. Made my peace with that when I was 8...8 was a big year for me, epiphany-wise. I was a strange kid.

Okay, God. How about a sign about what I'm supposed to do next?

the solstice looms and the deadly, dreaded deadline doom

We're almost to the "longest day" of the year (actually, they're all about the same length, we're just talking the percentage of "daytime" hours).

Still no word on any front regarding models for the cover of THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES...of course, I wasn't necessarily expecting a response within fifteen minutes. I emailed and called (and left a voicemail) for the original model, letting her know how urgent things were becoming. I contacted an old friend and let her know to put out the word, and I emailed another old friend who would be an excellent model for the job, but has been flighty on contact of late...no word on any fronts yet. Oh, and I did post the notion on here, last night...maybe someone will jump on this opportunity. If not, I have my fallback...not my first, best choice, but I am ready to cut into the quick to make this happen.

Still writing like a sonovabich...helping with the stress.

The new works at the City of Legends are doing good, drawing some attention.

I am still a bit perplexed (but not surprised) at the lack of local interest in THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS and The Appalachian Education Initiative's ART&SOUL volume. But I did have a blast at the press conference, regardless.

Presuming I get the address, I will be sending off a belated birthday present to my daughter today. I'm about to go do a 4-mile walk, then help my mom with a refinishing project...I teach tonight, then tomorrow start the new day job. I have some editing to do. And, one bright spot, Denis Leary's "Rescue Me" starts a new season tomorrow night. Nice there is at least one character to watch whom I know is more messed up and messed over than me. Like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

Never did get to see the season finale of "24"...helped my baby brother move that evening. But, I go to Television Without Pity for their recaps and at least I know what happened. If you don't go there regularly, you're missing the Cliff's Notes on water cooler talk.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

setting wheels in motion, tentatively, in a model search

I did get a call from my boys earlier today, to wish me a good Father's Day...well, actually, their mother called and put them on the phone...and since neither actually said "Father's Day" I will assume this was done by her. In any case, it was good to hear from them. Miss them both, mightily. Very proud of them and hope they continue to grow and find their paths. Both of them finished strong in school. I'm hoping to find time to spend with them over the summer.

Still no sound from my model, I have begun putting out feelers (you have a dirty mind for that thought, but it's a natural one). I need to find a model who is sleek, fit and wants to be on the cover of a book...if anyone out there knows someone like that and they're willing to take a flyer on a non-paying gig with the opportunity for fame, future gigs and some potential merchandising spinoffs I can be emailed at williamfdevault@cityoflegends.com. I am still hoping my first choice comes through, but at this point I have to make at least contingency plans...and if someone better comes through - she might end up becoming the cover model for a book that will be on coffee tables and in libraries around the world. Pretty good credit, some models NEVER get a book cover.

And, once I retire "Love Gods of a Forgotten Religion" and "from an unexpected quarter" (don't look so shocked, you need to bury the dead sooner or later, right?) this person would be my cover model of note. Symbol of the new romantic eroticism of the digtal renaissance. No, you don't have to fall in love with me...it would be nice if you at least are creative in your own right, even an appreciator of poetry...but right now I am looking for an icon, not a collaborator. Of course if you do want to fall in love with me and are not a headcase...we can discuss that, too...I could stand to have a good muse for the rest of my life...the cardboard cutouts get awfully tedious.

Still missing my daughter, Peri, something awful. I hope she appreciates the present. I am suffering from the old "no one to share the triumphs with" Jerry Maguire issue. Guess I need to start looking for people to celebrate the future with. Because the victories are now just starting to roll in.

I called it. Fates, make way.

swimming in molasses

Have been feeling for the last few days like I am swimming in molasses, everything seems to be an effort...not sure why, but it is aggravating. It is probably a corss between physical (a mild cold or something) and emotional (don't get me started).

Just modified the website City of Legends to insert some newer works into it, including some fairly, um, racy stuff. Anything I jack from my stuff at AuthorsDen I'll peel down from there.

Think I'll go out to Books A Million this evening just to get out...need to snap this lethargy.

Still no word on my model for the cover of the Panther Cycles, if Ann wasn't off in isolation I'd probably ask her to let me run with a modified shot from her portfolio (she's screwing herself over, you know). If I stall any longer on the cover I am delaying a ton of key groundwork publicity. Already I'm using a banner that should have been swapped out for the new one weeks ago...I'm not panicking, just wishing I knew status.

argh...maybe that's part of the stress...yes, it is. aha.

Father's Day Odds

I was talking with my Dad this morning and he asked me if I'd heard from my kids yet today (hey, it is still early) and I told him not yet, and I wasn't holding my breath.

In the course of the discourse that followed, I offered odds on whom I might hear from today. Pretty brutal odds. For those old enough to understand and make their own decisions, it is a statement, not of my character, but of theirs. THE FOUR AGREEMENTS taught me to quit worrying about what misapprehensions, misinterpretations and lies are said of me, as I cannot change what people are doing and it is a statement of their character, not mine, when they say, do and believe such things.

On a lighter note: My brother, Mark, showed me the video for Styx's take on the Beatles "I Am The Walrus"...they sounded almost like they were channelling the Beatles, except their lead singer sounds more like Harrison than Lennon. I liked the bit cameos by Billy Bob Thornton in the vid. I think someone once told me that myself, Thornton, Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson and Kevin Costner are all within a twelve month span of each other, age wise.

Let me see...Costner did WATERWORLD, Willis is reputed to have dated Lindsay Lohan, Gibson has the pressure of having to follow up THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, Thornton gets to start almost every interview by being asked questions about his ex-wife (ANGELINA JOLIE). All in all, I'd have to say I'm the luckiest one of the bunch. ;-)

I got a note from a reader who wanted to see more pictures of me...okay...here's three...

The first two were taken in the past year, both when I had my mustache...which I have removed again...don't know if I'll bring it back for the GMAF...the third is an old shot of me (in a dress), taken when I was 5. My Mom is a seamstress and I was about the same size at the time as my cousin, Darlene...so she put the blasted thing on me to check the fit...and Dad grabbed the camera. Note how happy I look.






Note I am about 30 pounds lighter than I was in the first two...and substantially taller than in the third ;-)

Also, the haircut you see on third one...that was pretty much how I wore my hair until 8th grade...nowadays when you see hair like that on a guy he's either a gang member, a druggie, or a wannabe.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

capping Krakatoa

well, that was dumb of me...

a few hours ago, a poem erupted, PERHAPS THERE ARE YET PANTHERS, which I posted to AuthorsDen.

Then, as I was planning to do an update to my newsletter The William F. DeVault Newsletter (original title, eh?) at Google Groups, I threw in a note stating that this would be my last new poem posted until August 16th...

So, I lay down to take a nap and suddenly words start coming...not a trick, or a bleed, or even gusher, but a full on eruption...I mean legions of snippets and stanzas and sonnets. So, now I have all this cool new stuff and can't post it (that would be cheating).

So, such is life. I feel like I just got through announcing I'd pounded a giant cork into a volcano (hence the name of this entry) when I heard the rumble...damn preconscious. Someone climb down there and tell them to stop that, right now, or I'm coming down and having a few words with the infernal, internal, eternal creative furnace keeper...I mean, I let him out to run often enough. Not my fault others have behaved so jackassishly of late and put him in an intemperate mood.

Anybody got some duct tape and superglue?

51 degrees, cleaning house and loss of faith

Bleah.

51 degrees.

Bleah.

Spent some time yesterday evening working with Tag on his book and going over the current status of my own next volume. We're in the final lap...30 days until THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES is unleashed. Everything and everyone is ready and in place.

er, well...not exactly.

I'm still editing and polishing the annotations...and my cover model has dropped out of sight again. One of the best things in the "old days"...I could roll over in bed and ask Ann if I could use one of her pictures on the cover of a book, and she was always pleased at the notion. Most people would kill to get a book cover...maybe that's what I need to do, just search for a few "breaking in" models and make it a very short-fuse competition. I'd hate to do it to the young lady whom I've already talked with, but I don't even have a status update in almost two weeks and I'm running short of time.

I want to wrap things in this order: cover, blurbs, details.

I don't need this stress. For my birthday this year I'm going to clean house, digitally. All my edits and articles I've ghostwritten or edited for those who relied on my charitable nature, all those photos that have nothing to do with me, they all go in the trash bin. I've got gigs of essays, stories, novels and photos that I either held onto out of a sense of being the reliable one, or because I was asked to. Sooner or later, I just need to take out the trash. I'm sure everything of mine is already mulch. I am losing faith in some people. Which is not a statement of their character, but of mine. I can't continue to compensate for everyone else's failings. I can't play the crew of the Pequod, assuming that Ahab is even alive. Faith is big with me, why betrayals are particularly stinging. For me to let go of a rope I've been asked in seeming earnest, to hold onto, that is a difficult thing.

But whether it means I've gotten weaker or smarter, I leave that to the ages. You knock at the door or wait by the window only so long before you realize that you are betraying the rest of the human race and yourself for what may very well be yet another subterfuge.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Photo from Yesterday's Press Conference

Just was forwarded a snapshot taken at yesterday's Press Conference in Charleston.





From left to right that's me (not a great shot of me, but...far from the worst, and it shows off my spiffy leather jacket), West Virginia First Lady Gayle Manchin, actor Lou Myers ("A Different World" and "The Fighting Temptations") and noted artist Don Whitlach.

And yes, that's me pimpin' the book...which, just like my own "The Morgantown Suite Poems" I do not get any cut of...

Maybe I need to start charging for autographs?

Anyway, as more stuff comes in, I'll share...

Friday morning and the pick of the litter is...

Got a nice email this morning alerting me to a newly posted work by Nordette Adams, one of my favorite poets on the web (and a damn interesting person, in her own right (write)).

I won't express the title of the poem she wanted me to review, as it involves a rather storied 4-letter word and while I may use such words where and when apropos (having been hit in the groin by a large piece of heavy equipment or being deeply lost in passion with a beautiful and willing poetry fan)...it is worth viewing and listening to (she included a sound file)...the link is New Nordette Adams Poem. Enjoi.

I also got an email yesterday from a gentleman responding to my essay on AuthorsDen entitled "God is Not an American". It was nice to get a piece of mail on this essay that was not hate mail. Amazing how many "Chistians" think Jesus supported lynching or shooting people who did not believe in placing "Pharoah" before God. Quoting the Bible to justify immoral actions is no more valid than wrapping oneself in the flag to defend pissing on the Constitution (of course, we know of no one who has ever run for the Senate from Virginia or had a radio talk show who would ever do something like that...or allow himself to be set free on a technicality because he was "immunized" from prosecution by Congress intefering in the separation of powers for their own grandstanding, hm Mr. North?)

I have some meetings this morning, then I plan to lapse into a coma this afternoon, after which I will do the updates I have been dreading (because of their extent) to the website...including adding the button for purchasing the AEI's "Art&Soul". Note: Almost two weeks after the press release to local media about "The Morgantown Suite Poems" and Arts Monongahela, still no contact, calls or stories to be found...and the press conference for the release of the AEI book was not covered or reported by Morgantown media.

I guess I have my job cut out for me. But for now, I'm going to lock myself in the Batcave and work on quiet projects.

Note to myself: Make sure to, sometime this weekend, write essay about my all time crushes (media version)...include Daryl Hannah, Marissa Tomei, Carla Gugino, Ann Reinking and Carolyn Jones. And people accuse me of preferring blondes.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Art&Soul is now launched

Drove down to Charleston and took part in the launch of the Appalachian Education Initiative's "Art&Soul" which is a book that profiles 50 "outstanding creative artists" from West Virginia. Yes, I made the list. Nice double page spread on me.

Other honorees include Kathey Mattea, Jennifer Garner, Lou Myers (who also attended and I got a chance to chat with for a bit), Chris Sperandio, Brad Dourif, Chris Sarandon, Don Knotts, Lawrence Kasdan and Ann Magnuson (I've had a crush on her ever since "Making Mr. Right"...remind me someday to do a crush list on here...I think the women in the media I have felt a tug towards is very telling.)

I also got to speak briefly with the Governor's wife and various other media and organizational dginitaries. Not quite on a par with the bith of my children, but one of my better days, certainly, in a while. Had a bit of a Jerry Maguire moment though, it's tough not having someone to share the victories with. Only a matter of time, though, until that is fixed.

I am going to be adding alink to the book's ordering site to the City of Legends, so feel free to wait a day or two before you order. I will be making numerous personal appearances in support of the book, and I hope to meet many of you when I surface. This is pretty much my last public appearance for a couple of month...I have been working so hard on the books I feel I need to recharge before th Greater Morgantown Arts Festival address.

Maybe by then I'll have heard from someone I'm missing.

Thanks to Robert for the leather jacket I wore to the press conference. I have now officially retired the racing jacket I've been wearing for the past year...if anyone wants the actual jacket I wore for the spring tour, as well as the one I was wearing for the work on all three of the books I've put out this year, I'm listening. Make me an offer, it still has some cheese sauce stains on it from a restaurant I no longer go to.

Well, it's Thursday, June 16th...the long awaited release date of the Appalachian Education Initiative's "Art & Soul: West Virginians in tne Arts"...

For a story in the Charleston Gazette about it, try ‘Art & Soul’ reveals W.Va.-educated celebrities...the Morgantown media, where I live, where four of the honorees come from and where the organization that put it all together is headquartered, is silent on the topic.

Leaving in just a few hours to head down to Charleston. Yeah, it's a pain, but I promised some people I'd do it...I have been openly and systemically criticized for deciding to go to the press conference, but I've also managed to work in some "real work" (hey, I've been hearing it for 30+ years, writing isn't a real job, even though I am right now making more off of it than the teaching).

I'll cut that train of thought off there before I say something to really aggravate the situation.

Slept well, had a good class last night. Oh, cute anecdote...as I was arriving at MTEC last night to teach, one of my students from last semester was getting out of her car, talking on her cell...from her facial expression it was obvious she was not enjoying the phone call (grimaces, rolling of the eyes, embarrassed smile, etc) and someone on the other end obviously did not know where she was and was repeatedly asking her where she was...she kept deflecting the question. Finally she grinned at me, as if getting a truly wicked idea, and said "I'm at my boyfriend's house"...I had no idea who she was on the phone with, but I was half expecting her to hand the phone to me and ask me to play the role (not knowing who it was, that might have been dodgy, but a damsel in distress, etc etc).

Well, she didn't...and later on she told me it was her ex, whom she broke up with about a year ago. In some ways glad I didn't get the phone...not knowing the guy, you never know the fallout of such a subterfuge...but it was almost like a scene out of a light romantic comedy or sitcom. It helps that she is very attractive.

Well, I gotta go get ready...in some ways I am very much looking forward to this trip, in some ways I am dreading it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Order "Art&Soul" from the AEI

Saw the cover for the AEI's book...a certain level of gratification in that one of the faces on the cover (while not mine) is of someone whom I got added to the list (they had overlooked this person, and when I brought their name up to the people doing the book they were surprised that someone of their prominence had been overlooked!) So, I feel good about that.

I note they have put up the purchase link right here. I'll check with them tomorrow to see if they would mind if I vended autographed copies through my store...they shouldn't mind, but you never know.

Bone-tired for some reason. But I daren't take a snooze, as then I may not sleep well tonight and I need to be razor sharp tomorrow.

Do Camels call Wednesday Two-Hump Day?

Trying to chill today. Lawn work all done. All the intros to THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES in the bag. I can't impact how quickly the modeling issues for the cover work out. Tomorrow is the recption and press conference in Charleston. On Friday I meet with the TeleTech people, looks like I may get on there.

Made it through the last great emotional hurdle for a while (yesterday) and now just have to put my head down and work. The new poem I posted on AuthorsDen has gotten good response. No idea if anyone associated with it has or will ever read it, but that's something, again, I have no control over.

An old boss of mine, who was something of a rectum when it came to style and ethics, did make a valid observation. He said I didn't pick and choose my fights, that I took on all obstacles as they came, and that this would eventually exhaust me. He was right. But, I know no way to evaluate which fights need fought. Do you give up on a lost cause just because it is a lost cause? Do you tell someone you have risked you life for that somehow they are no longer worth it? Do you set aside certain values just because they are inconvenient in the moment?

No.

If you happen to be in Charleston, West Virginia, on Thursday (June 16) drop by the Cultural Center around 1 o'clock, there will be an open to the public thingee in the "great Hall" to announce the release of "Art&Soul" by the Appalachian Education Initiative. I will be there, someplace (I am invited, but doubt I have anything to do other than warm a seat) I'll be the guy in black. If you are one of the first five people to mention to me that you came because of this blog, I will give you a free autographed book.

Peri, love ya. Ann, proud of you...keep strong. Dante, great news on the grades. Elric, I am proud of the effort you've put in these last few weeks. Tag, get the book done...it will be great.

Quote for today..."Little dog Turpie barks so I cannot sleep nor slumber..."

Okay, World, I'm ready for you.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Happy Ann-iversary

Congratulations, Ann...if you've stayed the course, I am exceedingly proud of you, especially considering all the stress you have been under through the past year or so. If you haven't...get back to it, I know you have the capacity to make good decisions.

Seven candles, I hope. A long way from North Hollywood.

Monday, June 13, 2005

there are faces I remember

Monday evening...the pressure builds.

Suddenly my life is getting complicated in all the ways I don't want it complicated! Suddenly everyone I ever owed a nickel to is contacting me and asking if I can give them some back...this in a month when I am teetering close to the abyss...but am on the threshold of something wonderful.

I was doodling earlier and came up with a list of the people I would most want to know what happened to them so far in this life...some I know where they are (and just haven't developed the gumption to reach out) some have absented themselves from my life and I don't want to intrude in their lives if I may be unwelcome.

No names, but here's some descriptions of some of them:

A best friend from church and high school, we carried Melissa and Tracey on our backs on the morning after the lock in. A free spirit and one hell of a nice guy, all the girls found him much more interesting than me.

My boss' admin, and one of the most charming and beautiful women I've ever known. Had the boss not had a rule against office romances, I would have asked her out. Later on, she told my second wife that had I asked (back when I was still single) she would've gone out with me.

An experienced and creative drummer who worked for me when I was at GE. He was nice enough to mention me in the liner notes of his CD. I consider him one of the gentlest souls I've encountered.

One of the more interesting of my muses, sometimes referred to as "The Truth"...she showed up one night at my apartment in Venice and completely stole my heart.

When I hired this guy at CACI from Hughes, I had no idea he'd become the most valuable consultant working for me. A fire-and-forget torpedo of a samurai with software. He called me William-Sama.

The goldenheart. Nothing more needs to be said.

The Joker of the deck, and the founder of the Poets Place on America Online. He never gets full credit, as so many people claim they were the creator. BS. He did it, and they know it.

Dar, who kept me sane at a time when sanity was a rare currency. I didn't show you proper gratitude for showing up at my birthday party in Santa Monica.

There...a major chunk of my wish list. People whom I have either lost track of, or I have leads ont hem, but don't want to just barge it...that would be rude.

Tired now...tired and accelerating. What happens next is anyone's guess.

awake and blinking at the clouds

Well, again, the massive thunderstorms sweeping our area for the fifth day in a row are...not here...

sigh.

I like chaos in my weather. I used to love to go to Joshua Tree and wander in the desert, contemplating everything and nothing at once...but even more, I loved standing near the base of the Morongo Valley during the Santa Ana winds...absorbing the energy as the hot blasts poured in off the desert, making me feel like some great receptacle of energy, like invisible lightning was filling me with power.

No wonder I have withered in ages recent. I have been drained, blasted by unworthy winds and then sandblasted until only the white bones remain, vaguely aware of who I am and what I am doing where I am. I need to jack back in...perhaps I can get there this fall, when I am touring, and drink it all in again.

That could be dangerous. In a good way. I'll probably never want to leave again. I made that mistake once.

I am healing. And, I have found, my scar tissue is generally healtier than my original skin. God has a twisted sense of humour, but it delights me, nonetheless. And every day I am grateful for this life.

Gotta go hit the shower, would hate to stink my students out of class.

naptime

long morning...two job interviews, trimmed Mom and Dad's yard, moved stuff in and out of the attic, mowed Grandma's yard and worked some more on the promo and editing of books. I am dripping sweat and skin oils, tired, aching and ready for a shower.

busy busy busy busy.

looking forward, perversely enough, to the grave (with a sense of humour). I can rest then...until then, though, there will be no peace.

A question was posed to me last night by an old friend: if things go well, what will I do when shadows of the past return and want back in for their share of the ride?

The answer is easy, greatly simplified by my ethos and theology (one of the value in having values, it simplifies tough problems). I will do what I can for them. But I don't think anyone will be "let in" again. I have discovered that I am too poor a judge of character and intentions, and part of developing coping mechanisms is learning who not to sit next, and who not to lie down next to. Or you don't sit. Or don't lie down.

I once counseled a young woman when I worked at Sunrise House. She was 15 and doing meth, nightly. Why was she doing it? She was homeless and afraid of what might happen to her if she fell asleep in some strange place at night. She would sleep during the day, in public places, then tweak all night to avoid sleeping.

While never one for drugs; in a philosphical way, I understand her, very well, now.

"and God sleeps with one eye open, tonight"...the darker angels, William F. Devault (from "from an unexpected quarter")

It's time for my Monday Morning Dance

Oh...I don't have a Monday Morning Dance? Damn.

Slept briefly but well last night...had a good talk with Twist, who sent me her intro for THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES...I now have all intros in the bag, just waiting on the cover issues to resolve themselves. tap tap tap tap tap tap. Oh, was my toe tapping annoying you? I'm sorry.

Spoke to someone who reads my blog regularly. She says I don't come across crazy. That was good to know. I never have considered myself nuts. Deranged, yes. But not crazy.

My niece, Marla, does on-air movie reviews once a week for radio station Magic 106.5, locally...she came by this morning wearing a t-shirt that said "Little Ebert". We had a nice chat on the filmography of Robert Rodriguez...she's (Marla, not Rodriguez) a kid and does the G-PG end of the spectrum, and her next film to review is "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D". She did "The Phantom of the Opera" today. She liked the violence in it, but felt there was too much singing (I retorted that musicals have a lot of that). I used to do reviews for AOL's Roadside USA, a billion years ago...my favourite review I ever wrote was for "Showgirls" - something fun about getting to play pinata with a multi-million dollar project. But I did review "Desperado" when it first came out, so I feel a connection to the works of Rodriguez. He's a real talent and has the capacity to direct all flavours of films, he's remarkable and will probably be eventually recognized as one of the greatest directors ever.

I have two "interviews" today, maybe three. Plus, if the storms hold off I am going to go mow my grandmother's lawn (she's 93 and would probably do it herself if we left a lawnmower there). Glad to see the potential hurrican fizzle before it hit the Gulf Coast. Helped me actually exhale once or twice. Teaching tonight.

Thought for today: Sometimes you have to walk alone. Passing through times of great stress and peril alone makes you stronger and keeps the distractions of worrying about others off the plate. ***

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Isn't That Generous?

I was free associating, a habit and hobby of mine since time immemorial. And, all of a sudden...it occurred to me. My life isn't "All That Jazz" or "The Lion in Winter" or "Fight Club" or "The Usual Suspects"...

it's "Labyrinth".

-ack- (best "Bill the Cat" impression)

It's not that I don't like that film, I enjoy it immensely (hey, it has David Bowie AND Jennifer Connelly + muppets!). But I spun in from an aspect of Sarah's speech at the end...and it opened a whole epiphany about my universe. In some ways, I have played the role of the Goblin King, Jareth, in my relationships, always trying to be what the other person wants or expects...to the point of actually having no say over the situation when that is realized...consider his final speech to this girl, whom he has lured to his city and forced to quest against incredible beasties...

"Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me and I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down. AND I HAVE DONE IT ALL FOR YOU! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations."

She responds by pointing out he has no power over her (her epiphany that destroys the fantasy she is enhmeshed in, sort of an 80's "Wizard of Oz" awakening).

Then again, in some situations, I have been the Sarah to another's Jareth. It is in that moment when you realize who really controls things that things become unstuck. No one has power over you unless you surrender it to them. I have done so in the past, I will probably do so again. But I have erred in surrendering myself, in allowing others to define me. I have permitted lies to fester because I'd rather be scapegoated than see others harmed by them being revealed in their falshoods. That some have taken advantage of this free pass is not a statement of my character, but of theirs. It is wounding to overestimate people you love.

I am quite fragile now, I know this. The desertions of certain individuals has robbed me of much of the emotional underpinning I was built upon. The return to Morgantown has compounded the financial shellacking I took trying to please the whims of others in moving repeatedly. I am exhausted trying to live up, not to my own impossible standards, but to aberrant standards fo others. If you are the wind, you can be still or a mighty hurricane, but you cannot be a rock, no matter how much someone tries to talk you into becoming one.

Fragile is a relative term to my worldview, my Weltanschauung.

Besides, I've always wanted a Goblin City of mine own.

Howard Dean and ankle biting media politics

One of the big issues of the day is Howard Dean. Hey, he gets more press than the President, which may at least be in part that he's actually doing something.

Mr. Dean is now the Democratic Party Chairman, a job most often held by a bureacrat whose job it is to raise money. Most people in similar positions take to that part of the job description and largely forget that there are bigger issues to confront, a larger stage than the line at the bank. Howard Dean comes along. He has latched onto his position and the two right ankles of the Republican Party like a bulldog on meth. Bravo!

I don't agree with everything he says. But, in a world where the perversely right get all but a free ride on an entire news network, someone needs to balance the "fair and balanced" world of spinmanship. I recall last Fall, during the Presidential Debates:

Bush said "Liberty is from God". Kerry added "All things are from God". Whereupon right wing poster girl (and let's face it, if she wasn't cute she'd get no play in the media) Ann Coulter leapt upon that line and announced with her free contribtuion to Republican coffers that this statement of Kerry's "Proves he's an atheist." And not a single one of the Murdoch paid "journalists" in the room or on the mike with her challenged that fatuous statement. That's when, in my estimation, they lost face with any American looking for a sane discourse.

I think Howard Dean goes overboard a lot, he loves to...he's one of those guys who'll talk about your sister just to get a rise out of you, because he knows that in the pendulum of reality, trying to put things exactly where they should be is futile when the other guy keeps tugging on his rope, from either side. You have to take it as far as they do, pull as hard as they do, behave as freakishly as they do. Sane men seek the center road only when there are only sane men in the room. It's Dirty Harry politics, where you can be tarred, feathered and burned at the stake on suspicion of something because it makes good filler between car commercials.

Then you can achieve balance through competing. This will leave Mr, Dean with a rep as an attack dog. I think he's fine with that. It is actually kinda/sorta heroic to see him sacrifice his future political career to play counter weight.

I look forward to the work he's going to do in the future to get people to talk about the things we have, for too long, ignored out a cowardly sense of propriety, leaving the battlefield to the rude boys (and girls) of the right, who have no problem name calling, flag waving and sodomizing the Constitution in the name of their own particular brand of media terrorism.

Go for it, Howie!

lulu.com and customer support

I have a friend who tried recently to get on the lulu.com website and couldn't recall his password...so he filled in the form to have his password emailed to him. He's been waiting a week now.

I checked with a couple of bookstores lately to see how ones goes about ordering the book INVOCATO that I put out through lulu.com about two months ago...no one can find it (even though, according to documentation provided on their site, lulu.com was to have the ISBN listed in BooksInPrint promptly).

I also note that the help they give online for getting your book listed with Amazon directs one to go to one's royalty page and update a line...a line which does not show up in either Safari or Internet Explorer.

And their solution? Make sure to read all the help forums before you place a question.

Suddenly I am not so sure about entrusting THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES to them. But I will read through all the miles of badly written forums, follow their instructions, and hope that somewhere this whole self-service approach to customer service bears fruit before I have to abort TPC and yank INVOCATO and THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS from production.

Survived the Reunion

Well, about 25 people showed up for the reunion last night...about a 75%-25% split between actual students and spouses or dates. I walked around all evening carrying a small package (I had promised a copy of THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS to a classmate, as she is in it as the poem "To C.")...of course, she didn't arrive until almost 10 (the thing started at 8). I handed it off to her and that was that.

When I went to leave about 10:30, as I was giving my goodbyes, I mentioned to the woman who is in there under the poem "PK" that she needed to get herself a copy of my latest book...she immediately figured out what was in the package I'd handed off (I had told no one what it was) and headed straight across the room to borrow it to see her reference. I chose that moment to make as direct an exit as possible. Don't know if anyone will like the poems (I always assume not) but did survive the evening.

Had a nice chat with George, whom I never really mixed with in high school. He had a vague notion that I'd existed, but we had a lively chat about the creative arts and computer programming, we both had grown up to be individuals with profound spiritual views (He's what I call Buddheo-Christian, I have one foot there and one foot in the Friends (Quakers) although this whole Boddhisatva controversy is starting to make me think I should just go find a cave), involvement in the creative sphere (he's a musician, someone told me I write) and "streetgang" entry into decades of computer work (we both learned in largely "on the street"...never met a consultant worth a damn who learned it in the classroom. The skills that make a consultant good are more than just the technical skills, they include the drive and ability to learn independently.) Oh and both double-divorced.

I stayed standing through the whole thing, off to the side, as is my wont. Had at least one person say they didn't know who I was or have an recollection of me from then. Well - (all together now) the existence of a single atheist does not disprove the existence of God.

One of the couples there was comprised of two lawyers who specialize in divorces. Got a lot of good advice I could've used ten years ago (not so much on my most recent self-immolation, all I lost in that was a couple of boxes of personal possessions and my credit rating...and years of productive work, which I just have to work that much harder for the next decade or so to make up for it...why do you think I'm doing three books this year?). They did say that for a man with my body of intellectual property a pre-nup is the only way to go. Too many people out there just want you for what they can wring from you (okay, I've learned that the hard way, but I have learned that.)

It was a good gathering. Sorry Russell and Alan and Nelson and Jeanne and Lynne didn't make it, but overall it was a good group. Now, next emotional hurdles, June 14th (an anniversary) and the 16th (The AEI press conference).

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Morgantown Suite Poems: a key

I decided to sit down and write a brief annotation to THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS so that people would know what it about what:

Hollow Shells:
This piece was written in 2002, as I walked down the streets of Morgantown, noting the number of vacant storefronts and places where old, favourite businesses were no more.

The Spot Where She Died:
This was written when I visited the site where my brother’s fiance, Carol, died in a traffic accident in 1973. She was a classmate of mine at Morgantown High School and died just weeks before her graduation and their scheduled wedding. They were on their way to pre-marital counseling at my church when it happened.

I Will Walk These Streets, Again:
I wrote this one just before my visit in 2002 for the “Love Gods…” tour.

Street of bricks:
There’s a couple of streets near South High Street that are made of bricks, I have been told they were built by workers with the WPA, back during the Great Depression. In time they have warped so badly it is tough to drive at anything more than a crawl on them.

Krepps Park, After Dark:
My first real make-out session was at Krepps Park, walking back from my girlfriend’s house during a church picnic.

Five a.m. and a bag full of words:
I was a paperboy on Wiles Hill for several years. The morning paper. No matter the weather, no matter what else. My brother and I split a large route and he took the area around Wiles Hill Elementary, I had Willowdale Road out to Country Club Apartments.

The Tribe + 35:
There was a head shop at the base of Stewart Street, the Tribe. My friend Alan worked there and I could’ve had a job there, but my Mom was convinced it would corrupt me (or someone would spike my soda with LSD). I loved the smell of the place, the sounds of the place and the loud images. Now it is just another faceless Sunnyside Bar.

Faded Prom Queens: You see them, women who once were young and beautiful, now beat down by life. A caged-animal countenance, a sadness, a despair.

Interlude at the Zen Clay Tea Garden:
There’s a café on University Avenue, the Zen Clay (actually a pottery shop and café) and their upper room is the tea garden. Maybe I’ve had lunch there with one or more women. Maybe I haven’t.

For C.:
One of those girls in high school who is so perfect you stop viewing her as even a person. I met her several years later and we actually shared a conversation, and I was dumbfounded to realize I had never given her credit for being a human being, and a pretty sweet one at that.

Matthew 10:14:
This largely reflects how I felt, at one time, over the indifference that my hometown shows me at times. I understand the relationship a lot better now. But it is bizarre to note I am better known in many foreign cities than where I grew up. A few months ago, when I announced my release of three books in 2005, over 500 media outlets picked up the story. None of them in Morgantown.

Morgantown Junior High School:
It was a grand building on Spruce Street, now torn down and replaced by a parking garage and city offices.

Sunnyside Revels:
Sunnyside, although less now than at one time, is the bar district of Morgantown, where WVU students used to congregate and get drunk in such numbers the city finally had to pass a ban on open alcohol containers. After successful WVU football games, often the site of rowdy crowds, which sometimes engage in destructive behaviours.

Fourth and Dirt Clod:
We’d play where we could, although our favoured venue was old Mountaineer Field. Three times a year, at least: The Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving Day, the Pneumonia Bowl of Christmas Day and the Double-Pneumonia Bowl on New Years Day. Sometimes tackle, sometimes two-hand touch.

First Date Blues:
All true stories of my early romantic life.

Danielle:
When I was in town on tour in 2002, there was this remarkable server at the Blue Moose Café who engaged in sharp repartee with the guys there for morning coffee. Very attractive and alive, and she made an impression on me enough to write about her.

The alley down on Locust Street:
My Grandma Hickman lived in an apartment on Locust Street, back when she still worked as the domestic for the J.W. Ruby’s. We’d come in and visit with her and my other relatives, and we’d play hide and go seek with the neighborhood kids…the alley beside her building was so narrow that I was the only one who could fit in it…and I’d use it to stage my disappearing act.

Ballistic Arc:
I was always the guy who’d never do anything crazy. Until Dave McCoy said he didn’t think I’d jump into Cheat Lake, fully clothed. About halfway down, I realized it was not the smartest thing I’d ever done.

The Taking of Vows:
She knows what I’m talking about.

Fresh Peaches in Uncle Earl’s Trees:
My Uncle Earl had cherry and peach trees in his front yard…and I used to love to eat them, hot from the afternoon sun.

Making Out at the Blue Horizon:
The Blue Horizon was one of the better "passion pits" in the area, and far enough out of town you might not get caught by a neighbor. Mrs. Watts, my 10th grade bio teacher, didn't seem thrilled with having to teach the mandatory section on sex education.

The Face on Page 1B:
A guy I knew in junior high drowned on vacation, before High School. It was shocking for someone that young and vital to die.

Woodburn Circle, barefoot:
This occurred just minutes before the photo that became the cover of this book was taken. I had met up with my girlfriend on campus, after class, and she talked me into taking off my shoes and walking barefoot in the grass while we visited in Woodburn Circle on the WVU Campus.

Musing in the Shadows of the Seasons:
Late autumn, glad for the season, but contemplating the coming spring.

Recalling Yesterday:
A generic meander regarding memories

332 S. High Street:
A reflection on a place where I spent many thoughtful hours in love with my first real girlfriend.

Home Room 113:
My homeroom at Morgantown High School.

Charlotte’s Song:
A friend of mine was getting married and asked me to write something for the ceremony.

Arachne and red lace:
A woman I should not have gone near with a ten-foot pole. But by the time I learned that…the damage was done.

Yesterdays:
I wrote this tom my first wife, when we were dating, as I sat on my porch in Sunnyside.

Yesterdays Revisited:
This was a sequel to “Yesterdays” and was written at the same time as it was.

Autumnal Memory:
Every girl I ever brought home just loved my Dad. He’s still around and strong at 82.

Funeral home:
A childhood friend of mine died in a car accident when she was, I believe, 13. I wrote this while contemplating her loss and the effect it had on those who mourned her, each in their own way.

Penance:
I made a lot of mistakes as a young man. I hope I have repaid the universe for them.

Melissa, a remembrance:
Melissa was a friend from church who was a few years behind me in school. Pretty and a bit on the wild side…she was in an accident and broke her back when she was still quite young and, although she confounded the doctors by learning to walk again, it took a lot from her spirit. She passed away a few months ago.

Hanging with the guys:
Me and some guys would get to American Studies class early after lunch so we could hang out the window that overlooked the walk from the cafeteria and demonstrate our tastes in women. I heard some great lines, learned some double entendres I still borrow to this day.

Echoes of a Laugh (for Dave Dlugos):
Dave and I went to Morgantown High together. He was a remarkable fellow, with a great sense of humour and a good heart. He passed away unexpectedly, just before our thirtieth reunion.

Sonnet: a vintage passion:
She knows.

Vacation Bible School Memories:
I worked Vacation Bible School for Calvary Baptist a few summers. It was fun and the kids were great.

Getting the Beat on Pleasant Street:
On the 2002 tour, I had one booking at 123 Pleasant Street, a local music hangout. While I read poetry in the bar, there was a local band trying to form in the next room.

Tired hands at the keyboard:
I briefly took piano lessons from Mr. Federer, who lived at the old Hotel Morgan and charged $2.00 a lesson. He had the patience of Job, as I had and have no musical talent.

Falling Run:
Think you’re tough? Walk up Falling Run Road. Once. I did it every day for months, while in High School. Probably why I was so skinny back then.

Blackberry Season:
My Great Aunty Monty had an old farm just about completely overrun with blackberry vines. We’d go out there every year and pick gallons of them, all as big as your thumb.

The Mighty Mohigan Marching Kazoo Band:
We were about 40-50 strong, and we performed at a couple of high school “thuses” and even marched in a parade. We had one formation…a square, and we had Doug, who could twirl a flaming baton, as our leader.

PK:
Ever hear the one about the preacher’s kid? I did.

Fireflies rising:
Fireflies are still magic to me.

Cruising after the Game:
After Morgantown High football games, we’d cruise around, with a designated “caller” yelling out the passenger side window. Nothing truly rude or offensive, just letting off some steam.

Where lays memory:
Morgantown is where memory lays, for me.

Ten fingers, ten toes (June 9, 1981):
Celebrating the birth of my daughter, Perelandra (Peri) at WVU Hospital. Thank you, Jan.

Local Talent:
There was this girl I heard sing a few different places, but I never caught (or always forgot) her name. Talented, but still local and still trying to get over the hump that separates local and regional musicians from the big time.

So, there you have it. No confusion, you know who you are and what I'm talking about. I have some other poems about the town I didn't use for various reasons. Thanks again to Arts Monongahela for making this book possible. Check them out at Arts Monongahela...order my new book at City of Legends Bookstore .

Night Blooming Jasmine vs. Rhododendron

It occurred to me in a blink yesterday that in some ways I am reliving the Venice Beach year, just in West Virginia. Bizarre, I know, but the context is there. I'm just coming off a divorce. I've promised a certain fealty to a woman who is not maintaining her celibacy at the same time. I'm sublimating my sexuality into my work, resulting in a period of unparalleled productivity. And my moods are all over the map. There's just not as many string bikinis here.

The blog makes it interesting, as I am recording my thoughts and moods as they happen, without the filter of the art, and thus I look back a day or two and go "Whoa...I was that down?"

Tag has promised me his foreword the THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES this weekend...I know Twist is well along with hers...I have Brigit's (although she seems to have, once again, dropped off the planet...maybe I need to change my mouthwash). I presume the copies of PANTHEON and INVOCATO what I sent to my proposed cover model in New York have been received...I'll be glad when I can identify her by name and start giving her some free publicity...sigh.

My last copy of my first shipment of THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS goes with me to the reunion tonight for my friend Carol. Not sure what I am going to do tonight...while I do look forward to seeing familiar faces, most of them friendly, at the same time I recognize that it is all nostalgia...memory without meat.

I need to write a piece about the evolution and design of my bookcovers...
...it will be a good lead in to a discussion of the evolution of the cover of TCPC.

It is a shame Ann is on hiatus (as she presented it)...I could've used her image for the cover of that book, would've made my life simpler and it always pleased her to be a cover model (had she dedicated herself a little harder to her craft she could've been huge...all photographers who worked with her were wowed...she just lacked that aggression) and I hate the fact that a stranger will be taking her place, but that was her decision. Interesting transition: In LOVE GODS OF A FORGOTTEN RELIGION and FROM AN UNEXPECTED QUARTER, she was the cover model and a major theme of the works. 101 GREAT LOVE POEMS, still very present. INVOCATO, she's mentioned in a shopping list of people I care for. THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS? She's nowhere to be found. And in the glund oyarsa of all my books, THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES, she is not only not present, she's been replaced. I feel great sadness in this. While she was never the most supportive of people, now that great things are rising, I had promised her a share in all of this...and she is nowhere to be found.

Ah well. Typical of me to mourn her loss over my own. Typical.

Time to get back up, I suppose.

Friday, June 10, 2005

shaking loose the cobwebs

Friday night. Just got back in from MR AND MRS SMITH. Good flick, I think it would be a good flick for dates, especially married couples, as, at the heart of it, it is about getting beyond the barriers and dealing with the one person in the world you are supposed to be honest with, honestly. Yeah, I know.

Sent a note down to Brian, my priest in Mississippi, letting him know that, with the weather en route to them, they were all in my thoughts and prayers. Haven't heard back. Funny, that whole section of the country seems to have gone black to me. Maybe it's time to shake the dust from my sandals, but I made a promise, and I have not broken promises that are within my power to keep (my problem has been when I made promises that involved my having to change reality beyond my ken...a man has to learn his limits.)

No word of or about Peri and her birthday. Very disinheartening. Still no local media nibbles on the book. Even Meghan is perplexed.

Good news involved Dante getting some recognition at school for his accomplishments. I am very proud of him.

Tomorrow is the reunion.

Gave a good talk at Toastmasters today on how every generation assumes the world is going to hell in a handbasket as the next gen comes into play. Actually, I see more corrupt, dishonest people my age and older than amongst the people of my daughter's generation. No names, but if they have the couer rage to read this, they know who they are. I hear many things I do not respond to, because I don't want to spend my life playing conscience for those who have lost theirs. Every time I allow myself to help someone, I invariably get shat upon. I'll still help people, I'll just make sure to wear my waders.

Very tired. Tomorrow is another day. Life goes on. Note to Cheetah: You have no idea how rough it has been.

Tell me why I don't like Fridays

Yeah, I know, but it's my sphere and I'll alter song titles as I see fit.

Peri's birthday (and the release date for The Morgantown Suite Poems) has come and gone. I heard from the ex yesterday, giving me an update on how the boys are doing, academically, and letting me know that she had not, in the week since I made the request, had opportunity to speak to my daughter about my sending a present. So, if I give something it will be late (I sometimes feel like I am in the middle of a laboratory test...let's see how long before the subject gets bored or angry. Truth is, I have moments of both with several people. I just get over it. Our human nature is not something to surrender to, but to build upon and suppress our flaws and failings in. Aside from the realities we confront over which we have no control (you know: Man plans, God laughs) we have a duty to our Creator and one another to try and be patient and understanding. yes, there are people who cannot deal with being treated with any sense of charity, but most appreciate it.)

Toastmasters meeting today. I'm about to give my 9th speech: "Persuade with Power". Gee, I dunno...should I bring it or hold back? My topic is going to be "This Graceless Age"...and I can't wait to see what it turns out like. Truly, I never plan these things, it makes for a stilted and piss-poor speech when I give it. I hate working from a script. All of my speeches are 99% extemporaneous. This one is scripted only so far as the quoting of the lines from Don Henley's "The Heart of the Matter".

Good meeting with Meghan King-Johnson of ArtsMon. Great meeting, actually. She was quite happy with the book, and we discussed the logisitics of advertising and selling it. She said the publicity committee for ArtsMon was very "up" with their brainstorming. I gave her a book, and later in the day sent her the eBook, so she could circulate that to the group.

That was the other thing...I got four copies of the book, yesterday: 1 Copy to Meghan at ArtsMon, 1 to Jack Thompson at the Greater Morgantown Visitors and Convention Bureau, 1 to Ron Rittenhouse at the Dominion Post (his photo was the cover) and that leaves one copy to divide amongst five purposes (that I know of)...I dropped back and ordered a short stack to arrive early next week and decided to go ahead and give a copy to Carol at the reunion Saturday, I thought she'd appreciate that. The copies coming in next week: 1 to the Governor's wife when I meet her next week at the AEI reception, 1 to McTaggart for the blurb, 1 to the Morgantown Public Library (although they have been sloppy and unprofessional in returning my contacts, I am trying to live by the rule that if you behave as badly as others, you are no better, so rise above it all) and the other for order fulfillment (already spoken for)...which means I will need to get more as orders continue to come in.

Mom is down sick, now...Dad just getting over the bronchitis that is going around. I have to be careful not to be next. It would put a cramp in my style for the next week. I don't mind so much if I come down with Ebola after the 18th (I should even pretty much have THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES to bed by then).

Random musing: I wonder where Ann is with her novel. Since media blackout has been imposed (four months now...could lift today, could never be lifted) I have no idea where she is with Mather's Milk or what she's doing, and with the hundreds of hours I put in helping her with it, I'd like to know and hope that it is a huge hit. I feel the fates owe her more than her back to the wall in a sleepy Southern town. I didn't sacrifice all I did just to see her back where and whence I found her. Still royally aggravated by the immaturity and disingenuousness of some of the people around her. The people God vouchsafes us to to care for and about, eh? I am sure by now I have been demonized and misreprented out of both malice and ignorance (actually, that process was well underway when last I checked...people believe what is convenient and necessary for them to believe, rules of evidence and justice surrended to convenient gossipmongering and slanders. There is a class of human minds that cares little for truth, much for rationale and self-vindication. I recall when a friend of mine, a very close friend, started dating a girl whom I had broken it off with, years ago...she was quite angry at me and told him horrific lies (lies she later recanted, and I had ample evidence of their falsehood) As long as it meant him getting laid, though, he bought it.)

We do live in a graceless age. But I suppose this has been universal to the human condition throughout time.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

from "The Morgantown Suite Poems"

Just had to share this piece out of my latest book, about my daughter's brith, here on her 24th birthday
(sorry if it embarrasses you, Groucho...)

Ten fingers, ten toes (June 9, 1981)
-----------------------------

Ten fingers, ten toes,
And a cute little nose
That she can’t see beyond.
And look! She just yawned.

Amazing the changes,
How the world rearranges,
For ten fingers, ten toes,
And a cute little nose.


William F. DeVault. all rights reserved.

Happy Birthday, Peri

Sometimes, everything else has to go to the background, when something truly important happens. Today is one such day.

My life, over the last 24 years, has been better for your entry into it. I am grateful to God for your birth, and celebrate your happiness. I hope you and Brian have the happy ever after that evades so many (myself included, so far).

I hope you get what you want and want what you get.

Now blow out the damn candles, Groucho. (I'll avoid embarrassing you right now and NOT sing the Perelandra Panda song for the world to see...)

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Seven things I suck at

Yes, just seven things I suck at...there are actually probably a thousand more, but these are the ones I am truly, truly aware of...

1. Saying "NO!" Lousy at it, ask anyone. I get into more messes (including a couple of marriages) because I just couldn't say "no"...I'm smart enough to know when I should, and God knows I've got the life experience to have learned to say it, but I hate saying it. I am constantly being time-leeched by both worthy and unworthy causes. It's a disease, I guess.

2. Waiting. Patience is something I have learned, but only ankle-deep. It's not that I want to inconvenience people, it's that I have the attention span of a gnat and when I have to wait, I forget what I was supposed to do or say next. Then, I end up saying the third things I was supposed to say, instead of the next and I look like an idiot, or I am insensitive, or I am from Mars. At best.

3. Typing. Or, in modern parlance, "keyboarding". I'm fairly quick and accurate for a guy who basically uses two fingers to type, but when I get rocking, the transpositioning of letters and the subsequent bad parsing of the words can render an online chat or IM all but illegible.

4. Knowing when to shut up. I know where this comes from, but I'll never tell. I open my mouth and keep talking ten stages past where I should have stopped. Again, it's a combination of a quick mind and bad attention span...I stop talking and I lose my train of thought, so I tend to keep rolling...only later noting that I have offended or bored my audience.

5. Drawing lines. Ultimatums are not my thing. More often than not, I'm the one who gets cornered by "do or die" demands in relationships, then I find myself getting pushed into an untenable situation.

6. Looking out for my own best interests. I'd have to break about 1,000 confidences to really explain this one, but I tend to volunteer to be the scapegoat when others are likely to get their lumps for something trivial or when the price of their failure would be too high for them. The result is often I end up demonized for something I had nothing to do with, or was just trying to help out.

7. Maintaining a budget. Hey, I'm not mathematically challenged, but I sometimes act like I don't think I need air to breath. My first divorce settlement left me with negative cash flow. Imagine that. In mys econd marriage I did not block a couple of purchases that were disastrous on our household budget.

That's not a complete list, but if you take those seven and run with them, you have about 99% of the problems that have haunted me.

Hey, tomorrow is the official release of THE MORGANTOWN SUITE POEMS as well as my daughter, Peri's birthday. I miss her, like hell.

Copyright © William F. DeVault | All Rights Reserved