in the silence there is much to listen for

So, this is June...the first of the summer full months when suddenly some new explosions will rock my world.

So far, I am undazzled...but to quote an old friend...the night is young.

Getting the second of the trilogy put to bed was a good thing. Now comes the capstone. Am I emotionally ready to complete this arc? No, but I am game. Whether it is of my own making or not, the sheer magnitude of the desertions by those closest to me in the last year or so is finally taking a toll on my psyche...I am burning reserves, I feel it in places that never have ached before.

Perhaps this is just the karma boomerang. If so, I am sure I am in for more lumps.

I am going to accelerate my production schedule, try to have the third book, the big book, The Compleat Panther Cycles, put to bed by the 16th of June...hard wire the damn thing in so that no matter if I am still standing, it still makes the line.

Ths means focusing harder on the annotations, corralling Tag and Twist, and coming to some resolution on the model for the cover. With everyone I ever really depended on for emotional support now out of my life, this is going to be a really rough ride. But, you know, I didn't ask for the easy path. I asked for the real one. No illusions. I've paid in blood and essence. I have, to steal a quote, done questionable things.

And, I understand my errors. I have relied too much on others for my purpose and my pride. I have taken on the colours of lesser creatures of the field, out of both a fear of being alone and a desire to raise them up. I have been the mockingbird of good intent. I have chosen to be content when that is not my nature. I have accepted stagnation out of a fear of losing. I've sacrificed my all to indifferent and fickle goddesses.

Let's see how muc heart I have left, how much will behind the wheels. I am a Ronin in the house of dreams.