Monday night

No answers...many questions...

and maybe this time I just need to put my head down, keep moving and trust that eventually someone (maybe not one of the people I've rescued, but someone) will come to my rescue. There are times I feel like a martyr to an indifferent goddess, a Ronin in the temple of Aphrodite. But I am still standing and will, as I swore long ago, not fall to anything but the end.

Many illusions out there, some I have even allowed myself to embrace over the years. But. There is yet something at the edge of the water, something palpable but out of reach, and in the darkness of my own making I cannot see what or who it is...

Otherwise, it has been a good day, much accomplished. Now, to keep to the path and keep moving, even if progress is measured in inches, rather than miles.

In truth, all is as foreseen. Despite strong protestations, everyone I predicted would bail when the going got tough, did. I sometimes think I allowed things to get as bad as they did, purely to prove them wrong. Perhaps, or perhaps I am not as clever as I thought and just knew I would lose my way for a time, even a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I've been writing some good stuff...I have mapped out now about ten more books the size of the Panther Cycles. Like Innes' ex once said...I am living the poetry. I need the Santa Ana Winds to recharge me. I wonder what Alisha is up to?

I exist as a vessel to my art. I do not yet know if that means I am to be envied or pitied.