a kiss of an indifferent shade

A strangely satisfied melancholy descends on me.

I wish I could define it further.

Perhaps one day I shall, perhaps not. Perhaps I will write poems of it for my one hundredth birthday. Perhaps I shall die tonight, with many things left unsaid (except in those volumes I leave unpublished, with no trustworthy heir to see to them.)

I am not pleased with all in my life...but I am content that what remains to be done will either get done or was never meant to be accomplished. I started looking into a car today. Perhaps an Alfa. I'd like that. One more thing I had to get rid of for someone else's convenience.

I had a nice walk at lunchtime. It was hot and the sun felt good upon my skin. The Morongo Valley still calls. The question is, do I go alone?

The next six weeks will tell the tale. Someone asked me what I was getting the Leopard for her birthday this year. I laughed. Last year I gave her money. This year? I already gave her everything she asked for and everything she wants from me. My will is rewritten, my finances begin to resolve. I will leave nothing but my flesh to the vultures.

A walked a mile today...more tomorrow. I sometimes wonder if I am the architect of my life or just an onlooker to the major events.

Wait until you see what I am giving myself for MY birthday.