Interview with the Amomancer, Part III:

This is the third of five parts of an interview
I've conducted online with William F. DeVault
over the last several days.
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EJ:
Okay, your muses.
WFDV:
::cringe::
EJ:
Afraid of what I'm going to ask?
WFDV:
No, afraid of what I'll say. I sometimes have trouble with self-editing, a habit of mine that goes back to childhood. One of the things that makes me a one-draft poet, when you don't get do-overs in real-life, you learn to get it right on the first try.
EJ:
I'm just going to toss out some random muses and see what you think when you hear them referenced.
WFDV:
Fire away.
EJ:
Selke.
WFDV:
Starting with the safe ones, hm? Selke. First reaction...hot, wet, feral. We're still in touch, you know. And she still wants me to get in her skin, if you know what I mean.
EJ:
You haven't yet?
WFDV:
No. I've thought about it, at length, both before my second marriage and since my divorce, but no, nothing has ever happened between us. But that doesn't mean she doesn't curl my hair with her heat.
EJ:
The Mad Gypsy.
WFDV:
Karla F. Sasser. Just about the only one of my totem muses to unashamedly carry the label. Of course, she has nothing to be ashamed of. We tried. We worked on some levels, but not others...she handed me off to Ann.
EJ:
You had no say in that?
WFDV:
Actually, no. I tried to be persuasive, and I can be persuasive, but she was convinced I had to stay in Los Angeles and she felt that Ann would fit better in my world. The funny thing was, at the time, neither Ann nor I had shown any sign of interest in a relationship.
EJ:
Of course, that may have just been her way of letting you down easy?
WFDV:
Ouch. Perhaps. Dunno. She's a nice person, and I probably should have pursued her more aggressively, but my pattern has always been to let the woman chose when it is time to leave.
EJ:
But you didn't with The Panther.
WFDV:
Very different universe. She kept leaving and coming back...leaving and coming back. Great promises were made, sacrifices that altered forever many lives.
EJ:
Let's talk about the Panther for a few minutes, as she seems to be the archetype of your muses.
WFDV:
She came into my life at a time when I was dying, inside. I had stagnated in so many ways, I was rotting from disuse. I loved my children very much, but my marriage had never recovered from infidelities of more than a decade before. I couldn't draw breath without coming under suspicion of infidelity. Even the vaguest hint of a wandering mind lead to absurd accusations. I was tired of being a martyr to mediocrity.
EJ:
And you seized the opportunity when it came along?
WFDV:
Actually, aside from writing a few poems, I did little to advance the relationship, she made all the first moves (another pattern of mine).
EJ:
How much did it hurt when she rejected you?
WFDV:
Which time? (bitter laugh) No, it hurt like hell, the first time, I'd just given away my life for her, and she suddenly left the scene of the accident. I was so much in pain I checked into a psych ward for three days, just to make sure I wasn't going to lose it. So I could make sure I wasn't going to have to take myself out of the game to avoid going dangerous.
EJ:
The Nosferatu's Dream you have spoken of before in your works?
WFDV:
Yes, I have promised myself that if I ever go mad I'll destroy myself before I allow myself to cause harm to others. I had to make sure, so I seal myself away for a few days. In the end it was just really bad emotional indigestion. I lived and learned and loved again.
EJ:
You've said before you've never fallen out of love.
WFDV:
No. I can't. It's so alien to how I feel about love. Love is a gift, once given, it cannot be recalled and must be honored, to the death. That's why I draw so much fire, so much dark energy, from every woman who has taken my heart to heal her wounds, then left.
EJ:
You left you first wife.
WFDV:
Yes, and I later realized what an hideous thing I had done. But there is no healing some wounds. We can be civil to one another, and I still love her on many levels, but she will never forgive me.
EJ:
Do you understand that?
WFDV:
Totally. Completely.
EJ:
There was one, you even named a poetic style after her, Alisha, the Truth.
WFDV:
Literate, beautiful, elusive. She danced into my life and danced out on lavender claws. I heard recently that she recently divorced. I would have sought her out if I thought there was any interest in her, but she left me so hanging...I have to presume I was just a shiny thing to her.
EJ:
How about Psyche, also referred to as the Electric Lady? What was that relationship about?
WFDV:
Transformations. We both emerged from the five years we were together stronger and better for it. Without her in my life, the assimilation of her life into mine, I would not be one half as well formed as I am. I would have surrended to the grey long ago. She is, in many ways, mother to the man I am. And really, she was my first marriage, in many ways.
EJ:
Freud would have a field day with that.
WFDV:
Freud is dead. I live. Long live the Amomancer!
EJ:
Want to talk about Arachne?
WFDV:
No. Although I am game to discuss her if you must.
EJ:
No necessary, we have so many others to choose from to goad you with. Say, the Leopard.
WFDV:
Ann and I encountered each other at a time when we didn't need each other as lovers. It was only about a year later when she started telling people we were involved. Not that I am complaining, she is devastatingly beautiful, and in many ways worthy of any man or woman.
EJ:
So why the divorce?
WFDV:
The official line was that she wanted back with women. The truth is more complicated, far more sinister, and I cannot discuss without causing harm to her and others (many of whom deserve it but when was life about justive?), so I'd rather play the cuckold than betray her. So let's leave it that way.
EJ:
You gave her two covers to your books.
WFDV:
I know, but paper burns.
EJ:
Some bitterness there?
WFDV:
More revelation that I brought too much to the party, there was never a balance.
EJ:
What was the last balanced relationship you had?
WFDV:
Psyche. Maybe Brigit, at our good moments.
EJ:
Ah, the Goddess, Brigit.
WFDV:
Hey, it's a complicated world. Simple hearts don't stand a chance, you learn to survive by dealing with the imperfections in the world.
EJ:
She wrote one of the forewords to The Compleat Panther Cycles?
WFDV:
We're still close. If I had three wishes...
EJ:
What would they be?
WFDV:
Let me see...
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