offensive words and a general amnesty

Yesterday I was sitting in the cafe at Books-A-Million (what do they call it, "Joe Muggs" or something like that?) with Tag, discussing distribution strategies on his forthcoming book MIDNIGHT MUSE IN THE CONVENIENCE STORE (I am not kidding, that is its title...) when a youngish clerk came up to us, whom we have engaged in conversation before and asked us what the most offensive word we could think of was.

He was bored and making a list to gauge public opinion, or something like that. The three of us then launched into a discussion of various profanities and racial/gender epithets that seemed to lack for only Denis Leary to make it truly arch (those of you who saw the "name calling" episode of RESCUE ME will understand what I mean).

This morning, it occurred to me what would most offend me, although having lived a life largely above the water line and having taken a lot of verbal abuse, some deserved and some based on slanders or misconceptions. Not a concept or curse based on race or gender, height, weight, national origin or sexual orientation, none of which I would have any say over anyway if I wasn't an overweight straight white male of French extraction and average height (but with superb cholesterol levels, I might say).

No, to be called an "ingrate" would probably be the bottom for me.

I know there are times I haven't said "thank you" quickly or loudly enough, but I'm talking about people with a sense of entitlement who seem to feel that anything you do for them, you were supposed to do anyway. It cuts to the core of my personal theology, which is based, not on attempts to "get into Heaven" but to demonstrate gratitude for the life given. The tale of the frog and the scorpion. I figure I get little enough right in this life, I'd just like to be patted on the head once in a while when I go out of my way, when I put it on the line...not expecting a payback or a payoff, just hoping for a 'thank you'.

And because that is something I should have control of in my own life, the attitude of gratitude, I think being accused of that is about as low as I can cut it for someone. Yes, there are situations where I or others are reacting to bad information, and there will always be misinformation in the world, some of the nastiest personal attacks I have come under have been from decent people going on bad intelligence, and I don't like that, but I deal with it as best I can. Maybe it is correct to say I cut people too much slack, allow too much the rationale, the benefit of the doubt, excusing conduct that most would not. Maybe I shouldn't, but having been misjudged myself, I don't really want to be guilty of it. "Misjudge not, that ye be not misjudged"?

So, I'm going to try and live up to a general amnesty to everyone in my past.

I have the intellectualization of it, I'll work on the emotional component, and we'll take it from there, 'kay? And, if along the way, you feel I have not shown the gratitude I should have for actions you have taken in my behalf, or on behalf of others (as I am grateful for when you help others to their feet, as well) let me just apologize here and promise I'll try a little harder to be a little better. I'm still going to speak the truth, as I perceive it, but I'll try to be a little more forgiving.

Thanks, for hearing me out. I'm grateful for your time.