long day, spiralling from the music

Today was okay...until...

until "Freshmen" by the Verve Pipe was heard, playing in the background. I associate the song with my daughter, whom I am estranged from. Crushing depression hit...

but I fought back...both fists and head butts against the suddenly unforgiving wind, to buy a moment's respite, but only a moment, for I cannot stand for long against the tides of life.

I gave in to the wind and fed it, images that fill me with sorrow, so many persons and things that are out of my reach, beyond my touch, beyond my ability to help and heal and mend and protect...inconstant lovers, lost friends, bartered dreams and surrendered virtues...

I accepted the darkness into me and before it knew what I had done, I pressed it tightly within me, so tightly that there was heat, and out of heat, a light and from that incandescence, hope...and I spread the wings of my soul to ride the photic shockwave caused by that burst of light and dreams and joy...feeling that familiar scalding as I turned my face from the new sun within me, before it blinded me...and I rode it out into...

the darkness.

but this is a cold realm where I can still feel the heat of the star I formed, another point of light in the constellation of my soul, a billion billion stars formed out of the necessity of my survival. and suddenly the lost fortunes and missed kisses and broken promises and betrayals and lies and venoms and rages and tongues of cold contraband emotions became the fuel of the celestial furnace which is the womb of the bard dragon.

and I am fine...for now, until the next time I wander too close to the edge of another event horizon, brought on by a song. or a book jacket. or a voice. a keychain. a photo. or a dream, on the edge of my thoughts.