a*muse*ment

The topic has recently been hashed and rehashed of my "totem muses"...those women who have inspired my works and allowed me to both ascend and descend the roads of life into transcendence and disaster. What makes a woman that sort of woman, to inspire me?

Well, as I am right now in a span of my life where I have backed away from relationships, of my own accord, for a season or six, I have had some time to contemplate this issue (and if you know me you know how much I enjoy the mental exercise of self-evaluation, I am my own best and worst critic...)

I have to look at the women who have been inspirational to me and look for common threads...to do this I am going to do a breakdown of the ten greatest muses in my recollection; The Panther, The Leopard, The Swallow, The Goldenheart, Brigit, The Mad Gypsy, Psyche, The Truth, The Selke and Abstra.

Interesting list. Nine real women, although one of those I have never actually met face to face (Abstra is completely abstract, one of the others has never been more than a disembodied voice.) Only by a slight majority have I ever been intimate with, so while sexual chemistry is important, sexual activity is not essential.

Of the nine real-life totem-muses, at least three were sexually abused when they were young. This is consistent with the statistic that indicates that one in three American women will be sexually assaulted (raped) at some point in their life. It has been said that I am attracted to "damaged" people...but this statsitic seems to indicate otherwise as a pattern.

I can't classify them in detail by their "professions" as that would give away too much of some secret identities...but I can say five have their Bachelor's degrees, two of those have advanced degrees.

Much has been made of my ongoing joke of "leggy blondes with perky breasts" I share with my brother, Mark. Don't focus on that...of the nine, there is one blonde, only two I would classify as "leggy", and as to perky breasts? Of those I have seen their breasts, I would say three qualify...so that is not the yardstick either. Oh, and only one redhead, as well (Brigit).

Most of them are taller than the average woman, if you take out the runts of the litter (The Goldenheart and The Mad Gypsy) you have an average height of around 5'9"...both Brigit and The Swallow were 5'10"...I do have a fondness, physically, for tall women. But that does not seem to be an essential. I was mad for both of the shortest ones.

Personalities and tendencies...most have been creative..6 of the real-world 9 have been writers, some hyphenates, such as writer-artist. Most have been flirtatious, and have let me know they were interested (some outrageously so) before I even had thougth of making a move (yes, it is true, I still tend to be somewhat shy with women...I would say, historically, only two of the nine were women where I sent up the first signal of interest...and even there I had seen some indication of receptiveness.

So what have we got? No profile. Aside from tall and makes the first move, no clear generification of my involvements. I leave it to future historicans to make more of my involvements than I can. Me? I am just right now scanning the horizon for signs of life from tall, creative women...who cause that unexpected but welcome quickening of my pulse.