giving away books

I'm in a charitable mood.

So, here 'tis...I'm ready to give away a ton of books (okay, not a literal ton, but a lot). Problem is, I need a reason, I can't just fire them out of cannons at the masses and hope they land in good homes, like stork-dropped puppies.

So, here 'tis. I have three sides to the coin. Three classifications of people whom I would love to send free books, if I knew how to get them to them (the first two groups) or knew who deserved them (the third group).

Group 1:
Any other honoree from the Appalachian Education Initiative's "Arts & Soul" book. Yes, several people in the book, such as David Selby, Lou Myers and Irene McKinney have already received theirs. The other thirty or so living honorees, just send me a verifiable email address and I will be happy to send you a free book to show my affection and respect. Did I say free? Yes, I did.

Group 2:
People I admire. Tough here, as I want to list people I admire and respect, at the same time what if I leave someone off? Or what if they are not a poetry fan? For instance, Henry Rollins has gone on the record with his opinion that all poets are homosexual (although that was not the impolite term he chose). As someone who admires much of his work, I find it necessary to keep him off the list, as it might confuse him that I am not interested in him, sexually. So who makes the list? Yeow. Make it tough on me. I'll list some broad classifications.

a. Any current or former state or national poet laureate.
b. Any former or future President of the United States with the last name of Clinton, Vice President or Cabinet official from same administrations.
c. Anyone from the casts or production staffs of "The West Wing", "Lost" or "24", or any movie I've ever liked.
d. Any current serving head of any established national government (sorry, Osama, you're not on the list).
e. Stand up comics or cast and writers of sketch comedy shows including SNL.
f. Wow, this list is getting long, isn't it? I could go broke on just the postage...I better stop. But if you have heard me mention your work with admiration, I'm not hard to find.

Group 3:
People willing to give their own reason. Think you deserve a book? Then write me and let me know why. Went to junior high with me? Might be good for a free book. Hold the world record for cats juggled at one time? Perhaps. Ex-wife? Don't push it. I'm a soft touch, but really.

You don't have to sleep with me to get a book. Of course, if that's how you want to earn a book...I'm willing to discuss the possibility.

How's that for a madness?