the victory of this life

I'm working on a new piece for release tomorrow, as well as a new podcast. Keep your eyes and ears open, the spirit is upon me.

Thanks again to everyone who was so patient when I was distracted. Special thanks to K and R, who helped me keep things sane. Your payment is in the mail.

I had a dream the other night, a sort of sequel to The Nosferatu's Dream. As I recall, I once again faced that malevolence, and I heard a mocking voice inside my head say "You don't know when to quit, do you?" and I replied, somewhat under my own breath,

"Yes. Once you accept the fact that I've won."

I've had some reverses in this life, made some bad choices, listened to the wrong voices and accepted people into my sphere I would've been better served calling the cops the first time they knocked on my door. But, on the whole, it has been and remains a good life. One of purpose, of love, of hope. One day I will die, but not by my own hand. One day I will stop loving, but that will be when the worms eat the very flesh from my bones and I am not of this life anymore, and I will be part of a different sphere, a different love.

That I have chosen, wisely or not, to lose my heart is a marvel to me, on the intellectual side of it all. It is an invitation to lies, betrayal, disillusionment and loss.

But it is also an evocation of hope, of truth, of faith and of completion of a them my life exists to demonstrate. I love my children, I love my friends and family, and I am quite capable of loving again a woman willing to step into my sphere when she feels the willingness to join me. This is not defeat. This is a victory. That I can believe in someone who is not yet ready to believe in themselves is a beautiful thing, for I am seeing them with eyes a bit wider and wiser than they have allowed themselves.