the new age

I've been working some long hours these last few days, taking care of some real-life issues, and prepping a new musical/poetry fusion. I don't believe in doing things halfway, half-assed. It has never been my style.

There are mistakes I have made along the road, mistakes I have tried mightily to make amends for. In the end, all I can say is that I am trying harder to do better. It's funny, as most would say I have done miraculous things with my life, but there are many who would criticize some of the decisions I have made along the road to where I stand now, kicking a stray pebble or two as I prepare the next steps.

A dear friend today told me they thought I was still in love with an ex-lover. I had to correct them. I never stop loving, it is inconceivable to me to do so. But to trust someone enough to let them into the inner holies of my soul...well, right now, only one person has been given that key, and until she surrenders it, that's how it must be. That is who I am. That is who I choose to be.

In the moments when I wrote key poems throughout my career as an author and poet, I have been fortunate enough to love some pretty remarkable women, many of whom brought out the marrow in me, so that I could see what was good and bad.

Psyche brought out my talent and my self-awareness.
Valkyrie, my determination and sacrifice.
The Panther, my cunning and eloquence.
Brigit, my passion and my fire.
The Mad Gypsy, my faith and surrender.
The Leopard, my will and durability.

But these loves, these influences, flowed like rain water into the sea of my essence and enriched me, surrendering their claim of a separate fate. The women who birthed these affections and passions have moved on with their lives, always with my best wishes, always with my prayers for their joys, peace and safety.

What elements within me will the new age, the age of Jaz, see born into my soul or honed from the raw material from which I was spat out by the fates? I wait with anxious joy to see. Perhaps she is the one. Perhaps she will change her mind and cast me out and aside.

In any case, I wish for nothing less than peace, and joy and love for the woman who inspires me.

I can do, I can be, no less.