A moment's reflection

It must be the season, I have found myself twice, in recent days, on the receiving end of rather decent indecent propositions from women of my acquaintance.

Both are young, bright and quite attractive. Beautiful? One is, the other would be more labeled by me as "pretty".

I polite opted out of both. Why? I'm still on the quest, and having fixed myself, for the time being, to one Holy Grail that may be the answer to the riddle of the mystery of the quest, I am not about to blow it for a few hours of hip spelunking. (Cute term, huh? Mine own invention.)

I haven't lost the passion, or the drive or the hunger. I just want to fulfill the promise, if at all possible.

"I will take no pretender, again, to my bed."

And am quite content, though not happy, with the notion of maintaining a monastic existence until either I find someone worthy of my ardour, or until I pass from this realm.

"We have fallen. And have risen. And taken penance given, every mile."

Do elements of me want to kick myself in the ass? Absolutely. But these are not the elements of me that hold the reins. They did, once, when I was foolish enough to confuse sound for solid, dreams for diamonds, pretty words for pretty thoughts. I'm not that child anymore. And though, in some ways, I am still unfinished, even blisteringly raw, I am more of who I was supposed to be decades ago, before I lost my way.

I've proven this to myself, again. For now, I sail towards the star I chart in the heavens.

"Alone at the rudder, I seek no new portage. The winds of an old rage shall yet drive me East."