The winds of an old rage shall yet drive me east

there are days when one feels like Keanu Reeves in "The Matrix"...where things suddenly make sense in a beautiful and horrific way, pieces falling into place.

back in the eigthies, I wrote a poem called "Horizon"...over the years it has been dissected and deconstructed more than once, remade as not an expession of hope, but as a prophecy of my life. Like most prophecies, only being obvious in the time when it is fulfilled...

"There was a season when I was stronger" is how it opens. Is it a statement of times now past or times yet to come? Is it wistfully examining my youth or from somewhere out in the future, recalling me before...what?

"When days lasted longer and winds filled my sails." A further description of the lost times. Days lasted longer? A reference to the summer of life, or to a loss of vitality? And the winds...referring to my own vitality, or external motive forces? I wish I knew.

"There was a reason for loves trial and errors..." I have always marvelled at this, as it never tells me that reason...

"Ghosts in the mirror were yesterday's tales." I understand this, now. Those whom have mattered to me are now no longer real, but just stories, some of them unbelievable to even me, and I lived them. They are ghosts, able to affect me and others only to the degree we perceive thm and believe them.

"The winds now are memory.
Hope and illusion.
Pain and confusion inherit my gold." Are hope and illusion synonyms or diametrically opposed forces? The pain and confusion inheriting my gold I am certain could be placed to my first divorce, where I bought my freedom at a terrible price.

"But I, I shall live on
the crusts stained with jelly,
filling my belly with morsels and mould." Determination and resignation. I will find what I need in what I already have, though I will never again be wealthy.

"There is yet a season,
with dragons returning,
the fires yet burning shall lift to the skies." What defines a season in this work? A period of similarity? A decade? What? I do not know. Was this about my return to the East Coast, or my return to California, or something else? Does this portend the Phoenix?

"There must be a reason
to seek the horizons.
To sail for the islands with unclouded eyes." Is this an emphatic statement, demanding a motive, or something more earnest? A seeking of motive? Am I saying to stay where I am until there is purpose to move?

"My sails are of iron. The sun is my shepherd." I follow the sun...and I am not thrown down, torn up, enfeebled by the voyage.

"And I am the leopard.
The lion. The beast." I am the leopard? Was the leopard just a shadow box in which I saw what I needed to fulfill what I wanted? Am I the real leopard? I am the lion. And a leopard? The beast? As in the Anti-Christ? As a generic creature? What sort of monster?

"Alone at the tiller. I seek no more portage." I have given up finding a home. I have surrended my illusions of romance to the solitary way.

"The winds of an old rage
shall yet drive me east." I will find the winds and they will take me East. Was this my move to Mississippi, to West Virginia, or something yet to come? Why is the 'east' not capitalized?

I hate having to analyze this stuff. I just know I am adrift at this time, without breath or rudder.