The Super Wal-Mart Opening Prayer

They just today opened a new Super Wal-Mart in my area, and someone I know went to the opening and, in addition to "America the Beautiful" and other pomp and ceremony, they said a prayer. I didn't ask about the content of the prayer, but I decided I would help them out and write a prayer apropos to a corporation, asking for divine intervention in their efforts.


Dear Lord, Our Father, Almighty Ruler of All Creation,

Bless us in our endeavors.

Give us Your power as we smite local Mom and Pop stores that have stood for decades, driving their aging owners into bankruptcy while our shareholders and Directors become rich.

Be with us as we circumvent the law to violate workers' rights and deny insurance benefits to single mothers and aging retirees we have lured with promises of a better tomorrow. Help us overcome pesky lawsuits when we fire people for daring to have family emergencies, or for falling ill without insurance.

Forgive us our trespasses as we publicly humiliate anyone even remotely suspected of shoplifting in front of their friends and neighbors. Jesus would have done that if He had million dollar lawyers to protect Him from lawsuits from people too poor to even afford attorneys.

Allow us our zoning variances, so that we might create traffic patterns and skyrocket local land costs to force even more potential competitiors to give up on their version of the American Dream, which we know You grant us sole rights to, by Your mercy.

Enrich us as we wrap ourselves in the American Flag and wave our Bibles as we uphold none of the principles of either Constitution or Scripture in acquiring even more wealth to spend on even more luxuries as the poorest becoming poorer, because, no matter what those silly King James Translation people may have said, we know you favor the rich and the powerful.

Amen.

Yep, sounds about right.