Topanga Canyon: Saturday, September 16, 2006

It is the day of the wedding.

Saturday morning. I'm still in California. I'm still alive. I checked off on the brunette, why live up to a reputation that is more smoke and mirrors and lies than truth (most people believe what is convenient for them to believe, I have found)? I've not had a serious date in almost three years. The burns are yet unhealed, and I have too much to accomplish before the gloaming. If this means I live my days out in solitude, that is just the way of the world and a joke of the Fates. They were always strong on the punchlines. I laugh at the irony.

Okay, we have that out of the way.

Nice dinner last night. Brian's parents feted us at a Mexican restaurant in Santa Barbara and I got to see people I'd not seen in a decade or more. Mostly family members from my ex's side. Most treated me with civility. Today will be the test. (extension of this paragraph deleted for whiny tone)

Such is life. I know my demons, and my mistakes. Perhaps admitting them has been a fault of mine, but I'd rather have the integrity of a conscience.

I'll abide by the counsel of friends who encouraged me to show up, comport myself with grace and dignity, then make my exit. Perhaps this is yet another test of my penance.

I've at least been given a job: keep the boys on task as ushers. Not sure what that means for when I will get to be seated or how. It's a mystery.

I got to meet many of Peri's friends. A lovely bunch of people, actually. I hope she hangs onto them for as long as there is life.