comtemplating my renaissance

There I go again, making promises. Promising to return from LA.

Even.

Even if.

Even if lightning strikes.

Which it has an alarming record of doing, in my life. Who knows who I'll run into while visiiting home. Who knows what sudden whims may catch me. And to give that all a hook in the hall for the sake of someone I am not even involved with is...is...

completely in character.

If you know me, if you have read my works, you know what promises mean to me. What my integrity, hard won, then lost, then won again, means. What the connection means, even if I am the only one who feels it...because, as Arachne once told me, what matters is what is in my heart.

I hate it when I am taken for granted, however. I must allow enough of the chaos back into the mix that I can regain my autonomy. That's what has been missing.

Tht's what I will recover, as I stand, arms open, and great the fire on the winds of the high desert.

And find myself home. It will be painful returning after the trip. to wait for the next act. It will be wrenching. I left once before, to try and recover form the damage I had done playing babysitter to a sick friend. A friend who, in the end, only wanted more, until the feel of the husk against her lips was not enough and, since she could not find my soul in the hollows of my hearts anymore, she let me leave...

Now I am restored by time and contemplation and ready to step back into the stream of energy, to recharge myself.

For the final time, My Electric Lady...