Los Angeles, 09/13/2006 The Velocity Cafe

I am sitting here at an HP PAvilion f50 at the Velocity Cafe in Venice, checking my mail and blogging. Thank God for internet cafes. If you are in the LA area and haven't swung by there, I recommend the fresh-squeezed orange juice and, if you buy food, the computer use is free. Yes, free.

Got an email from the Faery, the classic "You're a great guy and I ackowledge that you think you love me, but I do not love you and I hope this doesn't mean we can't be friends." When in my life have I told a woman that my feelings obligate her? (On the other hand, when promises are made and compromises forced, I am quite willing to say "But...") This is not the case in my "relationship" with "The Faery". I wish her well and will continue to be a loving and supporting friend. Anything else would be a perversion of the concept of love. And, for the record, I have not said "I love you" to her. I have acknowledged feelings, but that word is not one I have given to a woman in more than two years.

I drove by where I used to live and snapped some pictures. The apartment building on Venice Boulevard still stands. But someone else lives in my apartment now. I felt a pang, a twinge, as if I encountered an old lover on the street and realized she was now with another. Down the block, at the corner of Lincoln and Venice, the hotel where Brigit and I had spent nights entwined in each others' bodies, hearts and minds was now a vacant lot. How apropos, eh?

My gout is powerful right now, so much so that the Alleve is bouncing off it. Sheer torture to walk, stand, even move my feet. I will retreat to my room and sleep off the day's sorrows. The pain purifies me.

Tonight, I hunt.