New recordings, the nature of art and neurotic love

Just, moments ago, got through adding "The Jester of Hearts" and "Chrysalis" to the Podcasts to be found at "Radio City of Legends" at CityOfLegends.com...give them a listen. Thank you, Frida, for pointing out a broken link.

While having minimal talent as a musician, I am slowly working musical accompaniment into the recordings...I am gratified by the power that Garage Band is giving me (David Bowie was right: We have come to an age where talent takes a back seat to conceptualization for the artist, the tools are there to convert what one conceives into reality.).

Those two works are remarkably resonant to my heart and soul and life. The former ("The Jester of Hearts" being reference to me in my role as the Amomancer) was written at a time of despair, but earnest despair, grown out of the isolation and alienation I have encountered in this life. Not bitter, just sad for a moment...

The later, "Chrysalis" - Hmmm...that poem was written, on the surface, as a piece in the "Pink Jade" series, but when you look at it, it is a sigh of resignation to the inevitable (and inenviable) role as transition man in so many lives, most notably my second marriage. Like Karen Horney pointed out, neurotic lovers challenge others who dare believe in unconditional love by acting out more and more until loving them becomes almost impossible. They're like the alcoholic at the party, offended that you are not drinking...assuming you think yourself their better because you do things differently than they do, their guilt becoming anger at someone who does not seem to be as guilty as they (we are all guilty, some just more obviously than others...).

I've known a few in my life who took that path, perhaps consciously, perhaps unconsciously, but I have not lost the love of them, merely the physical and emotional stamina to stand in the shit storm they rained on me in their reigns. I am not some dog, who turns to bite when kicked enough. I absent myself to a safe distance and wait for my chosen mistress to either fail her rage or go off on new adventures.

I am content with my intentions, if not always my execution. I have failed in that, for sure...just ask two ex-wives, a daughter, and a few friends and ex-lovers...