Return to the Cliffs with me

The new podcast is up...

you can subscribe to it via Apple's iTunes Music Store

or listen to it at

Radio City of Legends.

Hey, for once I am early! Yay, me!

Sunday yardwork, free eBooks and the whole romantic/goth/emo debate

It is a lazy, sunny Sunday here in suburban D.C., and I have yardwork to do in a bit.

I completed the podcast this morning and will be posting it later today. I went with a confessional tone, just you and me. I told the story of how I got into poetry and how I feel about it, then capped with a reading of "Running the Cliffs". I hope you enjoy the show.

Ever since I started offering the free eBook of "The Compleat Panther Cycles" at archive.org there has been a marked uptick in visitors to my site, cityoflegends.com. This is pleasing to me, as most people who write that I have met prefer to be read. If you haven't yet swung by the link at archive.org and picked up your free pdf copy of TCPC, as well as downloading the cover as a pdf (in case you really like the back cover blurb from famed erotic poet Mari Laureano or just the cover image of New York goth-model and musician Jillian Ann) what are you waiting for?

I got an email the other day from a student who had written a piece for English class debating whether I was better described as a "romantic" poet, a "goth" poet" or even an "emo" poet. Sheesh guys, let's watch the hyphenates. It's murder having to change suits everytime fads change. Aside from some evolving sophistication and darker themes (you go through some of the things I have had to go through and not have a crimson and ebon streak) I am still the same author I have been since before most of my readership was born.

Now that's an interesting way to look at it.

The 11th Commandment

Working on the final podcast for National Poetry Month...phew. Trying to make something classic. But keep getting distracted.

Saw a think piece this morning about how the Republicans are violating Ronald Reagan's 11th Commandment: "Thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Republican". The news seems to be that they are breaking this highly held principle in the run up to the 2008 campaign.

My only problem with this news story is that it is non-news. Perhaps not in the manner that Paris Hilton is non-news, but still there is nothing of value to it. We saw in 2000 the push-polling fratricide of the Bush campaign as it slandered John McCain to the point that he stands little chance, even seven years later, of being taken seriously again as a front-runner.

That people would forget that hate-filled, unethical and malignant campaign in such short order merely speaks to the failure on the part of the electorate to hold candidates and parties responsible for their transgressions. The Bush campaign, under Karl "I hate everybody" Rove so severely smeared John McCain in their rush to win at any cost (What profiteth a man...?) that they have hobbled the Republican Party for future elections.

I hope the architects of that season of shame are judged harshly by the history books.

urban renewal in the City of Legends

I just completed a new build for the front end of The City of Legends. I have tightened up the book and CD info, moved the links to the archival poetry pages and related areas to a more accessible point, and...

added all 3 of the poetry videos I have with YouTube.com.

I'd check it out if I were you.

ahem...major effing announcement here

I am now, without further huzzah or fanfare,

going to blow your mind.

I have just placed here for FREE DOWNLOAD, the entire contents and covers of
THE COMPLEAT PANTHER CYCLES in pdf format at archive.org.

If you buy the book in stores, Amazon.com, through the publisher or even through the City of Legends Bookstore, it will run you between twenty five and forty dollars, weigh in at over three pounds and make a hole in your bookshelf every time you pull it out to read again.

Here, it is free.

Happy National Poetry Month.

You owe me one, now.

Special thanks to Dan McTaggart, Barbara Holmes and Brigit for their forewords. To Mari Laureano for the stunning rear cover text. To Jillian Ann for being the woman whose beauty captured the essence of the mythology of the Panther that I spun from a real woman, filtered through my own longings.

It was one hell of a trip, writing, then revisiting to edit, assemble and annotate.

fixing the podcasts

An update from the last few days...

I received several emails from people complaining that they subscribe to the From Out of the City poetry podcast at Apple's iTunes Music Store and did not receive last week's show.

They are correct, due to human error...specifically mine, the update was not processed. I have corrected this and now the show is available. If you want to subscribe to this FREE music download, and you have iTunes, just click the provided link in this blog to hook yourself up with what is already many, many hours of poetry, music and conversation.

Also, due to a change in file location, we had dropped last year's May 13th show, on the topic of "Commencement". That won't do at all...so I fixed that link as well.

If you do not have Apple's iTunes, just slide over to Radio City of Legends to not only get the current shows, but all of them back these last eighteen months, along with special features available nowhere else.

The great muse machine is, without further comment on the topic, shifting back into neutral. Don't read anything into it negative or malign, I just do what I do.

Time to burn a little brighter.

and the podcast is...

I have just promoted the new podcast:

Radio City of Legends.

Included in this week's show are my readings of "April 16, Blacksburg, Virginia", in memory of the Virginia Tech shootings,
"at a former lover's graveside", in part inspired by the passing of the husband of an old friend, and the new song from the Gods of Love "the taste".

Enjoi!

limber blondes and sports statistics

Well, the reading and signing went off without a hitch, aside from low turnout (hey, this is poetry in West Virginia, not a hot ticket) and I am here to report on the high and low points. I did do the poem about the Virginia Tech massacre. Someone said they heard where it now looks like the killer bought his ammo clips off of eBay...this will stir some action, be sure of that.

Regarding the appearance...

Low points:
Low turnout, which translates to sluggish sales. Ah, well.

High points:
Seeing Tag again and getting to hear some of his new material.
Free ice tea.
Seeing my bright, funny, beautiful and oh-so-exotic friend Chan again. Sigh. She would have made a great cover model...still might.
Getting Chanda, the CRM at the Barnes & Noble, all whipped up over my forthcoming "101 Great Erotic Poems". I could hear the saliva.

It is amusing to note that I have met exactly two women named Chanda in my life, and they missed each other by about 15 minutes this evening

All in all, the evening didn't suck. Had a nice conversation with a French woman about the nature of creativity and the writing promise (three-way conversation with Tag, it was interesting how she noted how very different he and I are in not only themes and styles, but in process). I also discussed getting a copy of my latest to actor/author David Selby, also an MHS graduate. I had given him a copy of one of my earlier books, and I thought he would appreciate "Ronin in the Temple of Aphrodite".

Mickey Furfari has written a piece about my brother Mark and his site for Mountaineer sports statistics, MountaineerStats.com. If you are all interested in sports statistics in general or West Virginia University sports stats or history in specific, it is worth a visit.

the Alec Baldwin recording

As a divorced father who has been through an unpleasant conflict during the process (thanks, Lauri), fueled by a legal system that encourages rancor and hostility to its own financial benefit, I have to say I feel sorry for Alec Baldwin today.

Everyone loses their temper and a person should be able to get angry without self-serving, scorched-earth tactics by individuals that broadcast an angry phone message he left for a daughter who was dodging his calls.

Was he right to lose his temper? No.

Was he right to engage in name-calling? No.

Was whoever responsible in the right for making the recording available to the media? No.

Was media responsible in broadcasting it? No. In fact, I have methodically today started turning off any network I hear the recording on. In a world with so much real news and already festering from hate, the media has to get control of itself. Yes, Rupert Murdoch's Fox News has polluted the trough so horrifically I do not know if any concept of decency in journalism will survive the tabloidization of news, but for heaven's sake, CNN, et alia, at least make an effort.

I am disgusted. Not at Alec, despite his tirade. But with those individuals who provided the recording of his angry rant to media and to the media so crass as to broadcast it.

In honor of the fallen

Tomorrow, at 5pm, I am scheduled to do a joint reading with Dan McTaggart at the Barnes & Noble in Morgantown, West Virginia. After some serious and sober reflection, I have decided to go off the script a bit and add a few new pieces, not contained in any of the books I have for sale there.

These pieces are works from this past week, reflecting on mortality and the incident at Virginia Tech. It is the right, the ability, the capability and the duty of poets to open their hearts and speak of what they see, hear, think, feel. If I did less, I would not respect myself.

I am hoping to see many old friends there, even a few who, at one time or yet to come times, I have considered as possible beyond that.

We shall see, the poet endures.

at a former lover's graveside

press lips to marked stone and weep
you shall not end the dreaded sleep
that separates us from the kiss
that once embraced us in such bliss.

all you were is left, to memory,
heavy with hopes fallen in a story
inevitable in its end and elegy
and you are not here to comfort me.

if heart and soul endures this leap
from earth to sky to venture deep
beyond the ebon veil we face
and die to cross, with no disgrace.

then shall I feel your presence yet
beyond these walls of mud and jet.
for this is what shall lead me on
now that time has stole the dawn.


William F. DeVault. all rights reserved.

taste the taste

Okay, I screwed up. I only gave access to our latest song to those who were willing to go over to MySpace...and there are those among you who avoid that place like the plague.

So here is the song "The Taste", based upon my poem "the taste of remembrance", by, of course, William F. DeVault and the Gods of Love.

April 16, Blacksburg, Virginia

I sent E.J. the new poem. It's about the slaying at Virginia Tech. I was so moved by this event I just had to say my piece.

If you want to read it, you can find it on the Amomancer blog.

Or, more precisely, the name and direct link to the poem is

April 16, Blacksburg, Virginia

the song does not remain the same

I chose a lyric for the new piece of music from the band (the Gods of Love, remember them?). It is my poem "a taste of remembrance"...but I added a final stanza onto it.

The new stanza is:

I can not unburn the bridges that fell,
fell into Hell when I was foolish
and cruel and played the fool
to my own Celtic Cross,
so certain of my own destiny.
but memory lingers and the stingers
you left in my back,
on my tongue
and in my heart
are sweet and bitter.
the taste of remembrance.

William F. DeVault. all rights reserved.

If you want to read the original poem, sans the new lyric, you can see it at Amomancer: The Taste of Remembrance

I just laid the raw vocal. It was emotional and real. It is good.

...this just in from the preconscious...

"press lips to marked stone and weep
you shall not end the dreaded sleep
that separates us from the kiss
that once emraced us in such bliss..."

William F. DeVault. all rights reserved.


just a thought for a stanza...I guess I am missing love.

the challenge

I received from the band a piece of music this evening, and a challenge. I like challenges. They make me feel...worthy. Being a champion personality, I always have to have a cause or purpose (or totem) to fight towards or for.

So I sat down and slipped on my headphones and listened. It was nice, a little like the music from last year's "Beasts of Myth" off of "The Last Romantic Verb". But there was something else there. A majesty, a sorrow, a soulfulness, like a weeping dragon. Like a lonely god in a garden where the flowers never bloom except in memory.

So my challenge is to cut and record a lyric worthy of this anthem to the human soul.

I hate my band.

I am sad for what happened at Virginia Tech today. People, when they have issues, problems or conflicts, do not need to involve innocents. The power of our technology, our weapons, and the ease with which one can get them only makes incident like this all the more horrific. My prayers are with the families and friends of those who died and were wounded. May they find resolution and peace.

Thoughts on the VT shooting, part II

It occurred to me that this shooting, at Virginia Tech, auspiciously, falls just 4 days shy of the anniversary of the Columbine and Waco tragedies.

I am concerned that this was a piece of a much-larger plan, that was inadvertently triggered by an over-eager conspirator or someone stumbling upon it (this would explain the two sites...one where the plan was uncovered, one an attempt to do some damage in the face of a botched plan).

Just a thought, maybe wrong, but at least worth considering. I, for one, will watch carefully the news reports and make a determination whether or not it would be prudent to keep my children home from school on 4/20.

I am not paranoid, but my two years working with Monterey County Probation, facilitating their Youth Alternatives to Violence program taught me that a little caution is always a good idea.

Virginia Tech killings, take one

Too early to say what the motive was in the case of the lone gunman who slaughtered (by various accounts) upwards of 20 or 30 Virginia Tech students this morning.

And, maybe we'll never know.

My heart goes out to the parents and friends of these kids. That a single man could lay hands on sufficient firepower to kill that many in a single act of senseless violence makes the Second Amendment crazies seem all the more crazy. Whether he got the guns legally or not, my mother used to always say "Locks are meant to keep an honest man honest, a thief will get in anyway". Gun control laws make it more difficult for dangerous minds to do these sort of things. Just like with a lock, it discourages trespass.

Laws against dangerous items are there to at least slow down those who might use them in a moment's rage or madness. Just as having a handgun in your home greatly increases the chance that you or someone you know will die by it, so does the availability of lethal toys, which is all most of the questionable firearms are, increase the odds of something like what happened today going down in our colleges, our schools, our shopping malls.

Had this gunman not had easy access to weaponry capable of taking this many lives he still may have gone on a murderous rampage; fists, rocks and knives flying. And killed a fraction of those he killed today.

And so many less families would have been left to grieve. Thank you, NRA, for your help in dealing with the population problem by your misplaced fascination with giving lethal toys to disturbed people so that we may learn just how deadly a dark moment in someone's life can be for innocent bystanders.

Immortal, five times over

The new podcast is available, either at Radio City of Legends or via Apple's iTunes Music Store (for free...)

It is a five-time-over reading of my poem "I Should Have Been Immortal" in honor of Kurt Vonnegut's passing, each with a different aspect, attitude or frame.

immortality

I am right now working on my podcast for this, the third weekend in National Poetry Month 2007. It will be a curious entry into a rather unexpectedly broad series of my pods, which I have now been doing for almost a year and a half.

The basis is my poem "I Should Have Been Immortal", which I read 5 times in the course of the program, each time trying to bring a different interpretation to that poem, aided by technology and music as well as my own (limited) skills in oral interpretation.

I have never liked the sound of my own voice. Time and experience has earned my tolerance to it, and once in a while I produce a reading or song that I actually approve of. But I am and will always be my own harshest critic. I find it funny when the rare editor or critic lashes out at me for some sin or other, presuming I am an arrogant ass...they either don't read much of my work or have a kneejerk reaction to something I have said or written.

I stand by my own quote that "an honest man cannot be the hero of his memoir".

I would like to say, briefly and with earnest heart, a farewell to Kurt Vonnegut. I am not here to beat the drum or rend my garments. The author had a long and distinguished career and wrote some of the most remarkable prose of the 20th century. In a publishing word full of authors the equivalent of off-key, prefabricated boy bands, it was nice to find a true literary genius who received worthy acclaim in his life. He will be missed, but with glad heart and due respect.

He IS immortal.

Don Imus and the hypocrisy of American culture

I found what Don Imus said to be distasteful.

Not so much racist as sexist. I am appalled by the tendency, in the urban subcultures, to call all women by degrading names. I am annoyed that some, including some women in those subcultures, just accept it. When I speak out in defense of women in these manners, I am accused of being, as a white male over 30, prejudicial for speaking out.

But, I digress.

What Imus did was wrong. Of course, just about everyone I have ever known has some of that "private talk/public talk" hypocrisy. We laugh at jokes we'd never tell in public. We say things to friends we'd never say out loud. I used to work for a guy, a great guy, who would caution people about the mildest of potentially sexist language, then sit at his desk, turn to a co-worker and say about a young woman who just walked by "I like her boobies".

It is difficult to reconcile public and private faces, difficult to not find oneself in an hypocritical stance. Imus was wrong, and I agree he should be penalized for it. That a corporate entity or ten finds it morally necessary to end his career is perverse and hypocritical, as the very existence of a corporation as as a means to allow a business to function without personal responsibility.

We have the amoral calling the indefensible "inappropriate".

And here, in America, the great bastion of Christian propriety, we overlook our obligation to forgive. "Forgive us our trespasses, even as we forgive those who trespass against us." As we are well to accept another person's apologies, so should God forgive us our sins. We are commanded to accept the apologies rendered. It is difficult, but it is one of the few things demanded of Christians.

It is gonna be standing room only on judgement day, with a lot of people saying "I'm sorry" just to be told "You already set the parameters of mercy".

Jesus never spoke on race relations. Drugs. Abortion. Homosexuality. Public obscenity. The right to bear swords.

He did speak, at length and repeatedly, on the topic of forgiveness.

I wonder if any of the Apostles ever cracked a Babylonian joke.

The countdown is T-minus

How do I loathe thee? Let me count the days...




Of course, this is assuming we can't get our Pretendent Unelected to be impeached.

This is the BackwardBush clock that has been in the media so much lately, counting down the moments until we are no longer an embarrassment to history and the world.

Is it important?

I've been bouncing silence off the walls, to see if it echoes.

It does.

I have been paying a lot of attention to the news, lately, just seeing hwat's going on in the world. Am I the only person who doesn't care who fathered a chunky ex-playboy bunny's baby? Anna Nicole Smith's case is a waste of billions of dollars of paper and airwave technology. Anyone who cares is part of the problem that we have real problems that are not being addressed. Any journalist asked to read a sotry about her on the air who wishes to still be able to look at themselves in the mirror should just walk off camera.

Adam "PacMan" Jones has been suspended by the NFL. I met him, when he played for WVU. Seemed nice enough. He used to come into the little convenience store that now advertises itself as "Beer Pong Headquarters", at the corner of Willowdale and Stewart Street,and buy a cigar the night before home football games. The clerk there told me it was a ritual he had. Maybe she was exaggerating, but he had just walked in, asked her to pick him one out of a particular box, and seemed pleased with her diligence.

Again, is it important?

Not in the least. When gas is ten dollars a gallon and everyone knows at least one family that has lost a son or daughter, father or mother, brother or sister or cousin or uncle or aunt, as we throw good lives into a war we had no business going into to begin with and China and India invade Russia and the Middle East, looking for water because the Himalayan glaciers are gone and nukes begin to fly...will it matter?

No. But at least we had fun ignoring it with trivialities. Our epitaph, to whomever or whatever remains to read it, will be "They got distracted".

And the meme goes on

I had forgotten that I had submitted these a while back, but the Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) picked up two definitions I gave to them months ago and published them. So the 'meming' of William F. DeVault intensifies.

the definition of 'amomancer'

the definition of 'loft weasel'

He owes me one. Big time. Go check them out and make sure to vote on them (it helps to have people say "up").

I have to go listen to the roughs for his next podcast. Feh.

the return of the Pen Dragon

While considered perhaps one of the more enduring writings of my early times (alongside "Monument" and "The Unicorns"), the poem "I Should Have Been Immortal" (or ISHBI, as some refer to it) has always been a conundrum to me when read in public, as it can be almost an ink-blot test of my psyche, or of that of the reader.

Nowhere was this more evident than in a staging of my works as a readers' theatre at a science-fiction mini-convention in, as I recall, 1980, where all five of the characters at one point or another during the show "Pen Drgaon: A Poetic Fantasy" read the work in their own worldview and flavour.

For this next week's upcoming podcast, on April 15th, I will be bringing you multiple moods and incarnations of this work...let's see how it plays, shall we?

After all..."there is not, there will not be, there can not be enough time to taste all the wines..."

Namaste.

NPM podcast, part II

The new podcast is up, my second in honor of National Poetry Month 2007, here in the United States.

For this week's show I have selected and read 4 of my favourite poems from authors past:

Edgar Allan Poe, "Annabell Lee"
Perc y Bysshe Shelley, "Ozymandias of Egypt"
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "How Do I Love Thee?"
George Gordon, Lord Byron, "She Walks in Beauty"

You can pick it up via Apple's iTunes Music Store or via this link at archive,org

New Blog: PODbooks

I just launched yet another new blog (is this addictive or what?).

It is PODbooks Blog at http://podbooks.blogspot.com and the purpose is to give authors of books produced through POD (publication on demand) publishers a place to post and comment on their books, their experiences and their appearances to promote their works.

If you are an author of a POD book and would like to leave a comment, even news on your book, you can take it right there...or you can drop us a line at podbooks@cityoflegends.com so that we can get the necessary information to feature you and your works on the blog.

Hey, free publicity!

fragment and my fresh face

As I was driving down the highway Thursday, a poetic fragment lodged in my head, so I thought to share it here.

Even unrequited
love endures
if sure and pure
there is no cure

William F. DeVault. all rights reserved.

I have been offered a chance to take part in a New Writers' Night in May at a Barnes & Noble, targeted to those who have a book (or in my case several of my books, but not all) through POD publishers. I am split on this. On the one hand it is exposure, but just as I do not like open microphone nights, I am uncomfortable with the label "New Writer"...as would be my readers, my fans, those who have known me in a leadership position in the digital renaissance and those who rely on me as a mentor or a contest judge or contributor.

Sort of like Angelina Jolie being offered a magazine spread as a "fresh face"...er, I love the lady, both for her work with worthy causes and the unwholesome thoughts she generates when I look at her, but she's not a fresh face. She's been around as an actress about as long as I have had books out, and I have been a published writer since before she was born (and, let's face it kids, I am a little long in the tooth to be considered an ingenue).

I think I shall decline. I love expanding my audience but it would be disingenuous of me to take part in the forum. My decision to use the POD route for my last several books is entirely based on my desire to have complete creative control (something no standard publisher has ever offered me). It does hurt distribution and marketing, but I am not playing for rackspace next to Tom Clancy at Safeway. I'm playing for the vision a reviewer in "Imagine" said about my work years ago, that "I have no doubt that 500 years from now a young man will woo his lady fair with the words of this poet".

That's my plane of existence. I think I'll stay loyal to it.

What would Jesus really do?

Let's raise some hackles.

I just read a very earnest and bright op-ed piece by Roland Martin on CNN.com, entitled " What Would Jesus Really Do? and thought I should add my voice.

Yes, the Christian faith is under attack.

We have met the enemy and he is, in a word, us. Social Conservatives, looking for validation for the hatemongering that embracing the real tenets of the faith should literally drive from their hearts, have instead seized upon the framework of the Christian faith to justify their actions and attitudes and political agenda.

Jesus never spoke on the topic of abortion. Or homosexuality. Or school prayer (He did say not to pray in public, though).

He did say to not kill your enemies, not to take revenge, not to resist evil with violence. Which means every person who supports a war, any war, is a worse Christian than anyone who is pro-abortion, pro-gay rights, anti-school prayer.

Mind boggling, ain't it? And don't come at me with misquotes from Shakespeare or perversely generalized lines of Scripture. Taking a line from a conversation and declaring it applies to everyone in all cases could bastardize just about every element of the Christian tradition and faith.

I wrote an essay a few years ago calling Christianity "the hardest religion" because, in a word, it is. It isn't just doing this ritual or that ritual a few times a day or year, it is living a life under principles that are unnatural to the darkest impulses we find too easy to surrender to. Being a Christian is accepting a brutal regimen of self-control and sacrifice.

It is not "bong hits for Jesus" or picketing funerals or Mardi Gras or questioning a person's faith because they do not have the same political agenda as you do. It is reflecting on the life and teaching of Jesus and seeking to live as He would want you to do, as He would take pleasure in knowing you are trying to do.

Thanks you, CNN, for providing access to this essay by Roland Martin, and to Mr. Martin himself for the courage to speak out in a world full of too much hatred masquerading as righteousness.

almost, almost heaven

For those of you unaware of the change (and it was a long time coming), I am no longer a resident of the Mountain State, having moved back to the DC suburbs about a month ago, and am pounding the pavement for consulting or permanent positions in that area, preferably in proposal development (which I have massive experience in) or project management (bags of this, as well).

I will still be coming to Morgantown for visits, I have family and friends there (including at least one young woman of intriguing possibility) in the home of West Virginia University (which is just now, depending on your bend, celebrating or mourning the departure of their championship-winning head basketball coach, Joe Beilein for the chance to build a championship-caliber program at Michigan).

As I write this, I am actually in Morgantown, having driven over to take care of a few final issues, and I may be back in a few weeks for yet another visit, as there is a possible reading and signing at Barnes & Nobel with my good friend Dan McTaggart tentative for the 21st of this month.

Virtual Pavement

Not to demystify the legend, but if you want to read even more by the poet, but off the path you're used to...he has a new blog where he details his search for a job in the DC suburbs (he used to be a highly-paid project manager and proposal developer in the consulting community), entitled VirtualPavement (as in "pounding the pavement, looking for work"). It is well written and interesting to see this side of the man.

"A Christmas Story" director, son die

Word has just reached me that Robert Clark, the director of several feature films including "Rhinestone", "Porky's" and the seasonal classic "A Christmas Story", along with his son, were killed in a collision with a drunk driver in Pacific Palisades.

For further information, check out the news story at Yahoo: Robert Clark, son, Killed by Drunk Driver

I always loved that film and am saddened by the loss of this man who brightened so many lives for so many years and for years to come.

A Roadmap and a Compass

Brutal, exhausting day. But much accomplished and I am loathe to turn in, finally, without communicating at least those parts that are communicable.

The new video got up the other day and I am absorbing the comments while preparing my next strike. I have two projects in mind. One is, of course, a video built around one of my poems or song.

The other will be a "Draft Al Gore" campaign video. I adore many of the other candidates, but I think we need Al, and he needs to be made aware of the necessity of his acquiring the bully pulpit of the Presidency if he truly wants to impact the debate on climate change. We'll see how that one unfolds.

I am still casting about for a job in the DC area, writing proposals. It can be contract or perm. I have the experience, the track record and the desire. I get a lot of "We're taking our time" responses. Doesn't do me much good. Frustrating.

Was seized by a great ennui earlier today...worked out of it by making sure everything related to the podcast was in place. I have no illusions that zillions of people listen to it, but I do it as much for me and my posterity as I do for the audience that is here and now.

Helped the ex with her Passover cleaning. Hung out with the boys. Wrote several long-winded emails, some of which I actually sent.

Tired now, earnestly tired, which is good. Heard from Jennifer yesterday, but Sarah is still MIA. I guess this teaches me to loan someone money just before you leave town. The money is a non-issue to me, actually. It is the loss of what I thought was a friend.

I prayed just a bit ago. I pray a lot. But, as prayer is an intimate thing to me (as it should be to everyone) I do not usually announce it or even do it in public. Public prayer offends me, be it at a public ceremony or a sporting event. Jesus taught against public prayer.

Jesus also taught that you really aren't supposed to ask God for things. Just be gracious and grateful and say you are looking to be shown the way, the path, that you are to follow. That's my prayer: Show me the path. I'll provide the motive force if you give me a roadmap and a compass.

That's how it is supposed to be. My path now, as the rain begins to fall outside even this very moment, is clear. Bed. Alone again (naturally).

Goodnight.