What's the frequency, Kenneth?

I was talking about one of my sons with my ex the other day, and she expressed some frustration at him "not getting it" sometime when she was telling him something he needed to do or not do.

She compared it to how I sometimes get, acting like I am not listening or comprehending when she is telling me something she perceives as pretty straight forward. Then she said the words that dropped the linchpin into the assembly: "I know you're both smarter than that".

Click.

I actually was a little excited to realize she was right. My problem was not in perception of a given lightsource, but in too broad of a spectrum to evaluate. My Mother is fond of saying to me "I'm glad I am not as smart as you" (a put down for when I say something she considers trivial, irrelevant or over-thought). But it occurs to me that there is a downside to a ridiculously large and nimble brain-pan.

Too much perception.

A person says to me "You hurt my feelings" and I do not respond immediately, not because I cannot accept the notion that I have done or said something hurtful, but because I can think of so many things I have done and am trying to narrow it down to the one the person is most likely speaking of. My son, Elric, is the same way...he overloads on options and seems indecisive, which is a good label for it, but in a different way and from a different purpose than most would take.

Elric and I had a good conversation about it, at length, later. I told him that perceiving too many possibilities, while it makes you a great creative thinker, can put you outside of the mainstream of communication. People think you are not listening or responding to their words and action, when actually you are just seeking cues and clues to narrow your search to the specific issue being addressed.

Imagine someone comes up to me (or you) today and asks "Do you know what today is?"...the number of possible responses...including, but not limited to:

"Yes"
"Monday"
"November 19, 2007"
"The first day of the rest of my life"
"Three days before Thanksgiving"
"The anniversary of Brigit and my first kiss" (really, as well as at least five other anniversaries of personal relationships I will not reveal here)
I know of two friends are former friends whose birthdays are this week, as well, so maybe it is in reference to that.
"35 shopping days until Christmas"
"My favourite night of television" (About half my weekly allocation of TV time is take up by "Chuck" and "Heroes")
"The day the draft Business Development Plan is due for review"
"The 323rd day of the year (don't ask why I know this)"
The birthday of three of my favourite actresses (I read almanacs when I am bored), Jodie Foster, Meg Ryan and Allison Janney.

And that's without agenda and baggage that I might have with you, personally. So, you see, it is more of getting overloaded with possibilities for response, rather than having none.

I can't tell you how many times in my life a friend or lover has accused me of being insensitive because I didn't discern what their hinted-at issue was. It is frustrating, painful and unproductive.

So please, please, if you are going to confront me on an issue (or my son, for that matter) take nothing for granted and spell out your issue. You'll get a better answer and we'll all be happier.

A free copy of one of my books to the first commentor who explains the title of this entry (and, no, not the REM song, which was adapted from the original source).