This Past Month's FreeFind Search Results

Just got my report from FreeFind for the month of September. I have the service because, with hundreds of pages containing several hundred of my works on The City of Legends, it's difficult for fans of The Romantic Poet of the Internet(tm) to find particular reference points or works. Weekly, as I do update the site a lot now, it re-indexes the pages so that a reader can just drop in a word or phrase and search for it, not only on my site but also in my blog here on blogger.com (actually http://cityoflegends.blogspot.com )

Well, for the month of September, here's the 10 top searched for words or phrases, in no particular order:

*Nordette - Obviously a reference to Nordette Adams, the wonderful poetess who is a good friend and who has written some nice things about me in reviews of my work. Her website is www.writingjunkie.net.(a search on this word or phrase produces 6 hits)

*Lusebrink - As my life and works intersect with three of the Lusebrink sisters, and my poem about their mother's death, "theocricide at Mach10e6" has recently become a fan favourite, not surprising. (4 hits)

*Pink Jade - My former protege and subject of some works a few years ago, the totem for a young woman who inspired some of my better works since "The Goldenheart Cycles" (16 hits)

*Thighs - I doubt if whomever was searching for this phrase, repeatedly, was a KFC fan looking for validation. More likely one of those kids who seem to forever be finding my site by looking up the words "Cinderella" and "naked" under Google.(11 hits)

*Panther - Wow, now THERE's a surprise. Most of the hits reference PR for the new book. (166 hits)

*Mythology - Sounds like some students trying to take a shortcut in lit class. Kids, do your own homework, but if you have an older sister who's hot, let's talk. What are you looking at? I've bartered my writing skills before for love or sex. Not proud of it, but you use what you've got...(8 hits)

*Brigit - Speaking of hot women. My former lover and once and future(?) writing partner. (49 hits)

*Mari Laureano - More hot women? This new York-based poetess wrote a fantastic back cover blurb for "The Compleat Panther Cycles". Her work, available at www.furiverse.com, is brilliant in her own write. (13 hits)

*Glass Roses - A lot of people come to my site just to view this work inspired by my dear friend and editor, Janet Innes. (10 hits)

*Genitals - Okay, once would have been a fluke, but obviously someone thinks I have Easter Eggs about someone's genitals hidden on my site. If you want to know, just ask. (2 hits, both in my blog)

I had a most curious dream last nght, a reassuring dream, but it contained people that I have never met. These handful seemed to be not amalgams of people I've known, but actual unique entities. Two interpretations are rational: I have, at one time or another, actually known these people and their images are being hi-jacked by the preconscious and supressed in the conscious; or my mind is creating fresh images from the preconscious as reassurance that there are still places to explore, people to meet. Yes, I know a third interpretation is prophetic or visionary images, but I try to never assume that. If I meet these people, I will accept it, but I try not to make that assumption.

Sleeping much more, battling hard not to eat everything in sight. Classical depression symptoms abound. Considering the last few years of my life, much to be down about, but I battle on...the truth is, 90% of my troubles are money-related, what I didn't lose buying my way out of my first marriage, my second marriage depleted (her bills got paid first). Yes, mistakes have been made, and I will just have to ride out the consequences.

Will allow myself more freedom to write, to vent, to cathartically release my stresses as I seek to resolve these issues. I'd start my own 12-step program from romantically-obsessive writers, but I'm not sure they'd let us meet anywhere in Morgantown unless we order a keg.

Updates at the City...and the Luscher Color Test

I just promoted another stack of poems with annotations at the City of Legends...enjoi.

I recall years ago when I first took the Luscher Color Test (yes, I spell it "colour"...but it's his test)...one of the outcomes was "Can derive emotional satisfaction from sexual activity"...I understand that now. Having lived the monk's life for nearly two years now (yes, the divorce is only a year old, but I wasn't that into sleeping with everyone else's girl toy...some guys get turned on by having access to a bisexual woman, to me any infidelity is a turn off, physically and emotionally...) I can see the cracks appearing in the shell of my psyche. I am like a child who is not held, I am physically reacting to the lack of comfort.

Interesting. I shall have to document this as I slip further into the realm. I am seeing manifestations of new thoughtlines in my lucid dreams. This will undoubtedly affect my writing. How? Unknown. But, I am game to see it.

WVU lost to Virginia Tech. While I like the Mountaineers to win, I am sure the Morgantown Police Department and local fire departments are grateful there was no upset. Childish hooliganism is no way to honor or celebrate a good performance. As I write this I can hear the sound of drunken revelers spilling into the streets...I wonder how much property damage, rape and mayhem, how many lives were saved, by the simple act of losing a football game.

Bene.

I found a website that does the Luscher Color Test...the link is....here...




Here are my current results from this evening:

Your Existing Situation: Physical illness, over-tension, or emotional distress have taken a severe toll. Self-esteem has been reduced and you now need peaceful conditions and considerate treatment to permit recovery.

Your Stress Sources: An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but you feel unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which you need. Unwilling to expose your vulnerability, you therefore continue to resist this state of affairs, but feel dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses you, but makes you irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.

Your Restrained Characteristics: Willing to participate and to allow yourself to become involved, but trying to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension. Want to broaden your fields of activity and insist that your hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that you may be prevented from doing what you want; need both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore your confidence.

Your Desired Objective: Want to make a favorable impression and be rewarded as a special personality. Are therefore constantly on the watch to see whether you are succeeding in this and how others are reacting to you; this makes him feel that you are in control. Using tactics cleverly in order to obtain influence and special recognition. Susceptible to the esthetic or original.

Your Actual Problem: Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced considerable stress. You try to escape into an idealized atmosphere of sympathy and understanding, or into a substitute environment of estheticism and beauty.

While I wouldn't necessarily 1000% agree with everything said there (me, irritable? I'll rip the kidneys out of the next person who suggests that) there is a lot to be said for the diagnosis.

lost works

I just wrote a poem here...
then closed Safari without saving it.

aigh.

such is the flavour of dreams

I will try and reconstitute it, but will take the hint from my preconscious and put it in my storied black catalog.

the funny thing is that it was about, in a metaphored sense, that very thing.

Venice Beach, revisited in my mind

where the truth was just out of reach
and the sun set over a beach
where giants trod a generation before
and the peaceful sea mates to the shore.

a place where, as jaffee would sing,
everything could be had, everything,
and panthers and goddesses came
and even one who carried my name.

the magic never faded from where
nothing was so odd as to stare
and nights I would sit in the grey
and immortalize sparks of the day.


William F. DeVault. all rights reserved.